It's a Wonderful Life

Over the holidays, for the first time, our family watched Frank Capra's wonderful Christmas classic movie, "It's a Wonderful Life".  What a film.

Jimmy Stewart played the lead role of George Bailey.  I felt that the theme of the film was how--if you are a person who makes choices with family, friends, and community in mind--it is easy to feel cheated.  It is easy to feel as if you never have control.

In the movie, George compromised all his life out of love.  He gave up college so that his brother could go instead.  He gave up travel to Europe for his brother and his community.  He gave up an idyllic honeymoon to prevent a collapse of the neighborhood bank.  When things got really bad, George was ready to commit suicide.  He felt that the proceeds from his life insurance would be worth more to his family than his own life.

The angel, Clarence, showed him how much his life was really worth.  Clarence showed him the positive impact of his choices on his brother, his family, and his community.  George came to realize that all the compromises he had made, all the sacrifices for the greater good, were still HIS choices.  He saw that, as he made these choices, he was in control.  He reflected on the life that he had been resenting.  And he realized that "It's a Wonderful Life."

This reminds me of something I described in a post in November.  I was talking about the feeling that we get when we have a family that it is never OUR time, that everything we do is for our families or for our work, that we've lost control.  Here's a link to that post:  http://embraceyourchangingself.blogspot.com/2011/11/when-is-it-my-time.html

In that post, I noted that it helps to make sure that we do a few things entirely for ourselves.  Not for family.  Not for community.  Not for work.  Just do a few things for ourselves.  If we do this, we're more likely to see that ALL the choices we make are in our control, that they ALL are what we want to do, even when they involve sacrifice for the family or the community.  If George Bailey had--at least once--indulged his passions and taken a trip to Europe, he might not have come so close to jumping off a bridge.

Letting go of Demands

How does one let go of demands?  In my last post, I discussed the benefits of preferring, rather than demanding, that things turn out the way we want them to.  But how do we do this?  When we seek our goals with passion, if things don't go as planned, how do we react with serene acceptance (preferring) rather than frustration or disappointment (demanding)?

I feel that at least part of the answer is to cultivate an awareness of change.  Awareness that nothing stays exactly the same moment to moment.  As the Greek philosopher Heraclitus said, "You can never step in the same river twice."  And when we see that this is true of our health, our relationships, our careers, our communities, our natural environment, and everything else, it becomes easier to set goals in all these areas and accept that the outcome might not be exactly as we wish or expect.

I think this is part of how the practice of Buddhism has "worked" over the centuries, how it has helped practitioners be at least a little bit happier than they would have been without the practice.  Buddhist practitioners contemplate Buddha's teachings about the impermanent nature of everything.  These teachings help them cultivate intellectual awareness of constant change.  To add to that intellectual awareness, they meditate.  And as they meditate, they sense the coming and going of their thoughts, of itching, of leg cramps, of back pains, of the relaxation that comes with exhaling, of the pleasure of a deep inhale, of their agitation or sadness or happiness or worry, of sounds, of sights and smells.  And thus they experience the reality of constant change.  And if they do this daily, they cultivate an emotional understanding of flow that reinforces their intellectual understanding.  And then, if they strive at work or at home or in their communities to reach new goals, they are less likely to be surprised or disappointed if things change in ways that they did not expect.  Knowing that all of reality is a rushing river, they are less likely to demand control.

No Demands

A few weeks ago, Chris and I had a huge argument with one of my kids.  The exact reason isn't important.  What mattered is that he had insisted on getting his way on something, we refused to give in, and he had a MAJOR meltdown that ruined the evening for the whole family.

The next day, I talked to him at length about the downside of insisting that things turn out the way you want them to, of demanding that you get your way, of having a meltdown when life doesn't give you want you want.  I talked to him about replacing all rigid demands in life with preferences.  They may be strong preferences, things that you REALLY want and will struggle mightily to achieve.  But--when they are preferences--if you ultimately don't get what you want, you can accept this.  It doesn't destroy you.

To make the point to him, I read to him a key chapter from Ken Keyes book, "The Power of Unconditional Love".  This entire book is about replacing what Keyes calls your "demanding programming" with "preferential programming".  To Keyes, this is the fundamental secret for avoiding self-imposed misery.  The more you demand from life, the more unhappy you become when things turn out differently than you hoped.  If, instead, you prefer things to turn out a certain way, you still strive to grow, learn, and achieve, but you are better prepared for disappointment.  This is the wisdom we hope for when we read the "Serenity Prayer":

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to always know the difference.

Reaching my Goals by Helping You with Yours

I'm starting to believe what seems to be a contradiction.  The fastest way to reach my goals at work is to spend some time focusing on other goals:  the goals of the other person.

It truly is a virtuous circle, one that creates far more success for everyone than would be possible if each of us focused only on what we want.  Every time I go on a business trip and hyper-focus on my priorities, I make slow progress. I've been learning, instead, that even if I spend most of my time executing my plans and going after my goals, I always get more done if I spend a lot of time on other people's goals.  If I ask people about their lives, their projects, and if I find ways to help them reach their goals or at least make them feel that somebody cares, I always seem to meet more of my own needs.

It's as if 35 hours spent on my own projects plus 5 hours helping others with their own needs always gives me more results that if I spent 40 hours only on my interests.  Plus, it feels good.  It creates a feeling of collaboration, an energy and excitement that makes work feel like play.

Mutual Need

One of my favorite quotes from Keith Ferrazzi's book about networking called "Never Eat Alone" is the following:

"A network functions precisely because there's recognition of mutual need.  There's an implicit understanding that investing time and energy in building personal relationships with the right people will pay dividends." 

I'm finding that Ferrazzi is right.  When interacting with others at work, it's easy to focus almost all conversation on what it takes to deliver the project that has been assigned to me.  Why discuss anything else?  I was told to deliver a result--call it "X"--and now I'm calling people to get their help.  Seems logical, right?

But when I approach things this way, I usually find that my network of contacts isn't very motivated to help.  People don't show up to conference calls, don't meet deadlines, don't respond to e-mails.

What is missing?  An emphasis on mutual need.  I've been told to deliver "X".  My contacts around the country have been told by their bosses to deliver "Y".  If I only talk about "X" with my contacts, I'm talking about my needs and not theirs.  They usually have SOME interest in project "X", assuming the project is truly worth doing.  But it may not be as high a priority for them as it is for me.  If I'm going to engage my contacts, my interactions with them need to be more of a 2 way street.

I've had much better results when I have focused on mutual needs, when I've talked about my contacts' needs at least as much as I've talked about my own, when I've asked about their goals, interests, and concerns both at work and at home, and when I've found ways to help them with some of these goals.  One could argue that investing time in supporting these other goals isn't exactly what my hierarchy asked me to do; that it is a diversion away from my top priority, away from the bottom line results I've been asked to deliver with urgency.  But ironically the time I spend helping others with their projects, asking about their families and their health, deepening friendships will get me to my goals faster.  As Ferrazzi says in the quote above, in an effective network there is a shared understanding--almost a faith--that investing in relationships and supporting each other's needs "will pay dividends".  Because unlike a team that does not "gel", a team whose members skip meetings and miss deadlines, a team of friends will enthusiastically apply their talents to quickly deliver the goal.

Give and Ask For Help

I'm reading "Never Eat Alone" by Keith Ferrazzi.  The book is about how to network:  how to establish and build relationships that will help you meet your goals.  It would be easy to assume that the book is about playing politics, hypocritically approaching and flattering people you don't really care about just to get ahead.  That might be the way a lot of people network.  But Ferrazzi is a passionate teacher of a much more virtuous, and probably more effective form of networking.  His networking is based on generosity.

He believes that nothing builds relationships faster than helping others or asking for their help.  Listening to the needs of others with sincere interest and looking for opportunities to help them realize their dreams.  At the same time, eliminating any hesitation you may have to ask for help.

You may have been raised to rely only on yourself, to avoid "burdening" others with your problems.  You may have watched a few too many movies starring Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, or Gary Cooper.  Ferrazzi suggests you learn to shift from being self reliant to being reliant on others.  This is a key aspect of teamwork and of leadership.  It is a gift to others to offer them a chance to be generous and help you realize a worthwhile goal.

This feels to me like the essence of teamwork, the essence of leadership.  A leader offers help and asks for help.  In a recent article in Time magazine, a person who wrote a book about John F. Kennedy's presidency wrote that he felt Barrack Obama has not engaged the hearts of most Americans largely because he hasn't asked us to help him.  Kennedy, by contrast, created a feeling of personal connection when told us, "Ask not what your country can do for you.  Ask what you can do for your country."

I tried to apply these ideas during a business trip last week.  The purpose of the trip was to run a test on some equipment.  Normally, I would have made the test my sole focus. But last week, I talked to someone about how his life has changed since he had open heart surgery five years ago, another person about his seven year old daughter's severe illness, and two young engineers about their current assignments and likely future assignments.  I also asked several people to help me with technical and human resource issues.  I think I deepened at least 5 or 6 relationships.  And I still got my testing finished.

Hypnotized Meditation

I've been listening to several iPhone apps that create a light hypnotic state at the start of meditation.  They tend to follow a pattern that sounds almost cliche:  "Take a deep breath.  You're eyelids are feeling heavy.  It feels good to close them.  Your whole body feels heavier and heavier.  A wave of relaxation is coming over you starting at your scalp, then your face, neck, shoulders . . . Now as I count down from 10 to 1, allow your self to get 10% more relaxed with every number.  Ready?  10.   9. . . ."

At the end of this pattern, I indeed feel heavy, relaxed, almost tingly, and my mind is calm and quiet.  The speaker will then make positive suggestions regarding some area of life (success, stress reduction, deep relaxation, giving up a bad habit, or whatever).  Eventually, the speaker guides you to end the meditation with a reverse count.  "1 . . . 2 . . .3. . .wiggle your fingers and toes . . . 4 . . .".

I'm starting to find a light hypnotic trance like this is a great way to start almost any meditation, whether I plan to follow this light, relaxing trance by listening to music, thinking about things I'm grateful for, focusing on my breathing, or whatever.  I'm finding that the trance makes it easier for me to concentrate.  Without the trance, my mind will often jump around to problems at home or work or things I've got to do.

I think I'll eventually learn to hypnotize myself because it doesn't seem that hard.  But for now I'll sometimes listen to one of the iPhone apps long enough to get deeply relaxed, then pull off the headphones and do my own thing for the next 15 or 20 minutes.

Different Destination

What is a Buddhist engineer like myself trying to accomplish?  What is the ultimate goal of my practice?  Is it the same as the goal of ancient Buddhists?  Do I seek Nirvana?  No.

I try to follow the Buddhist "Eightfold Path" of meditation and morality, but my "Path" has a different final goal than the Path of Buddha and his early followers.  Historical works such as Karen Armstrong's "Buddha" point out that, 2,500 years ago in India, the ultimate goal of spiritual seekers such as Buddha was to achieve Nirvana:  a state perfectly free of suffering.  This perfect peace required letting go of material possessions, family, and anything else that could sometimes lead to dissatisfaction or painful loss.

I think Buddha was a psychological genius who understood methods to increase awareness of the present moment and gain serenity and contentment.  But my ultimate goal is just to be happier than I would be without this practice.  I still want to have my attachments to family, career, friends, community, pleasure, and accomplishments.

The "Psychology of Nirvana", by Rune Johansson did a nice job of explaining why goals tend to be different for today's Buddhists.  Rune writes that, compared to the ancient Buddhists, the modern concept of mental health stresses "society and personal success and effectiveness" as opposed to the ancient emphasis on individual enlightenment and liberation from suffering.

When is it MY time?

When does a family man or woman get to enjoy things that matter only to him or her?  It's easy to feel as if everything you do is geared to somebody else's needs.  It's easy to feel that somebody else is controlling how you spend your day.  It is easy to feel resentment.

The resentment comes even when both spouses share equally in generating the "To Do" list.  Neither spouse imposed their will on the other.  Each freely agreed on what needed to be done.  And yet, both often look back on their days and see so little "me" time that they feel as if they were the only ones in the family whose needs were neglected.

The solution? I'm happy to give the vast majority of my free time and my energy to the needs of family and home.  But I also need to spend some "me time", doing things that don't directly benefit or interest my wife, the kids, the dogs, or the home.  Things like meditation, nature walks, listening to music, writing, going to art museums, and some of my volunteer work.  I can't just do these things whenever I want to and for however long I want to.  I have to work out with my family how best to squeeze in these activities so that family needs come first.  And I have to do the same for my wife, asking her what help she needs from me so that she can squeeze in some time each day for her favorite things. 

I find that, as long as I squeeze in a little time each day for these most important personal needs, the illusion that someone else is in control of my life goes away.  If I do a few things that are JUST for me, it's easier to remember that the rest of what I do for home, family, and community is also my choice.  Nobody else is in control.  It's ALL "me time".

Relaxation Role Model

My first dog, Wally, was a role model of relaxation.  If only I could--like Wally--get worked up only when a real threat exists.  If I could just relax the rest of the time.

I could see Wally's peacefulness in his body.  I could feel it when I'd pet him and his skin moved so freely and loosely under my hand.  I could not imagine him tensing up unless there were strangers or unfamiliar sights or sounds that might pose a threat.

As I've been working the last few months on relaxing deeply several times a day, I've more often noticed myself needlessly tensing muscles when walking, driving, talking, working.  At these times, I'll consciously loosen up and it NEVER makes me less effective at whatever I was trying to do.  But I've got a long way to go before I can match the natural calm of a dog.

Election Nightmare

Today, on Halloween, I'm reminded of the election nightmare I went through 8 years ago.  The year was 2003.  My son had become best friends with another kid at elementary school.  I became friends with that child's father.  The father decided to run for Cincinnati City Council and asked me to help him with his campaign.

It was exciting.  I was in charge of analyzing the regions of the city that the candidate should target.  I analyzed the districts that had delivered the votes that got similar candidates elected in previous elections.  I created color coded maps indicating the neighborhoods that we should target for yard signs and for attending parades, candidate debates, festivals and other events.

Later, I was given the role of working with the only paid person on the campaign, our political/media adviser, to agree on the themes and content of radio and television spots.  It was a blast working with this adviser, reviewing scripts, and coming up with sound bites.

The night of any City Council election, all the candidates and their supporters pack into Arnold's Bar and Grill downtown on eighth street, just a few short blocks from the Board of Elections, and breathlessly monitor the election results on the wide screen televisions.  We kept cheering as each update showed our candidate holding his own.  Once we were close enough to be certain of victory, we left Arnold's and triumphantly marched to the Board of Elections to celebrate and to have our candidate speak to the press.

The inauguration at City Hall was equally triumphant.  I took my oldest son and one of his friends out of school that day to go to the auditorium at City Hall for the ceremony.  The highlight was when the legendary Councilman, Jim Tarbell, surprised everyone by pulling out a harmonica and playing "Star Spangled Banner".

And then the nightmare began.  The candidate became the Councilman, and I could not even recognize him.  This was not the guy I knew before the election, the laid back dad at soccer games joking around and charming everyone around him.  Instead, he became the most confrontational, radical person in City Council.  I tried and failed to influence him, to get him moderate his rhetoric, but it never changed and we became distant.  To this day, as Election Day nears, my friends and coworkers give me a hard time for having persuaded them to vote for Christopher Smitherman.  He's running again this year, and now I know better than to vote for someone based on charisma and charm alone.  I've become a policy junkie who wants to know in detail what a candidate plans to DO once they are elected.

Relaxed Urgency

Does stress improve performance?  In combat, yes.  In competitive sports, yes.  But I’m not a soldier and I’m not an athlete.

I’m working to replace stress with “relaxed urgency”.  I want to be someone who surprises people with all the things I can accomplish at home, at work and in my community, who meets challenging deadlines, but who remains calm and relaxed most of the time.  Someone who hurries without looking hurried.  Someone who gets things done quickly but with a serene expression, a ready smile, and with arms, shoulders, and legs loose and limp like a rag doll.

I see a lot of people at work who seem very relaxed, but who lack urgency.  That’s  relatively easy to do, but it doesn’t lead to peak performance.  I see a few others, however, that seem to have mastered “relaxed urgency”.  Their output is prolific and they almost always seem poised and calm.

“Relaxed urgency” doesn’t come naturally to me.  This is why I’ve changed all my meditation practice to focus on relaxation, and why I’ll even take short relaxation meditation breaks at work.  If I want to master “relaxed urgency”, I have to consciously loosen my muscles at work and at home, many times a day.

Why replace stress-driven urgency with relaxed urgency?  First of all, stress is bad for health.   Stress is a response to any perceived threat.  It can be true physical danger, but it can also be something that can’t really hurt me, such as fear of criticism if I miss a deadline at work.  And as soon as the mind perceives a threat, the primitive part of the brain—the part we share with all animals—assumes control of the mind.  It focuses on the threat, raises heart rate, raises blood pressure, and releases adrenaline and cortisol hormones.  These physical changes are all very harmful.

In addition, stress won’t help me reach my goals.  Adrenaline and a fast heart rate will help me respond to a threat with fight or flight.  They help me in combat and in competitive sports.  But I can’t fight a deadline, and I can run away from it either.  Also, stress interferes with thinking and creativity.  I’ve read that the primitive part of the brain says to the neo-cortex—the thinking part of the brain—“We’re under attack, and I’ve got this.  You’re much too slow to deal with a threat.  We need the lightning fast reactions of the animal brain to deal with danger.”  So, when I’m under stress, I lose much of my ability to analyze information, develop options, and make rational choices.  I lose precisely the part of my brain I need most to address daily challenges.

Finally, stress interferes with social skills.  It causes me to hyper-focus on deadlines, on problems, and to react emotionally without thinking.  Relaxation, on the other hand, allows me listen better, to think of possible consequences before I speak or act.  Whether I’m at work or home with my family, a relaxed state is far better for all my social interactions.

Deliberate relaxation of my muscles, by itself, will not lead to my vision of relaxed urgency.  It is also vital to carefully manage my commitments, my priorities, my daily goals, and to ensure I’m living in harmony with my values.  But even if I do a perfect job of setting goals and making plans, I can still stress out unless I frequently close my eyes, scan my body for tension, and breathe. 

Puppy Meditation

Sometimes I meditate with my dog Oliver.  He's not actually a puppy.  He's 3 years old, but he's a "teacup" schnauzer.  Just 8 pounds, and he loves to cuddle.  He's not just a lap dog.  He can be an eye pillow.

As I lay back in the lounge chair, he settles on my chest.  I can feel him breathing.  A very rapid breath.  I tune into how he shifts from panting to machine gun efforts to catch a scent.  I feel his heartbeat.  I feel his weight on me and watch his nostrils quiver when he catches a new scent.  I notice how much slower I'm breathing as we lay chest to chest.  I've completely forgotten my obligations at work and at home and for this reason I think this is as genuine a meditative practice as any other.

Relax, there's an app for that!

For the last few months, I've really needed to relax more.  Intense new project, business travel for 5 of the last 6 weeks.  I feel as if I've had no choice but to relax more often and more deeply than normal, many times a day.  Fortunately, there's an app for that.

Actually, there are hundreds of apps for that.  I'm always tethered to my Apple hardware--my iPhone and my iPad.  Steve Jobs--may he rest in peace--has given me tools that help me stay loose in the midst of this intensity.  For the last few months, I've replaced my normal practice of meditating to music with a new habit of  closing my eyes while listening to guided relaxation meditations on my iPhone or iPad.

Shhh.  Don't tell anyone, but I do this at work, too.  I'll go off to a "huddle room" with my iPad and with my back to the door and window.  I'm sure people assume I'm on a conference call.  I'll slip in ear-buds and listen to a 10 minute relaxation app and come out refreshed, more creative, and better able to concentrate.  Not exactly a crime, but something that I don't want to draw attention to.

Here are a few of my favorite relaxation/meditation related apps (prices ranging from free to $4):

• "Take a Break", "Relax & Rest", and "Simply Being" by Meditation Oasis.  These are the apps I most like to listen to at work.  They make me feel like it's OK to take this break at work, OK to let go of my obligations for a little while, and OK to relax.  They make me believe that I don't need to be "worked up" to work well.  On the contrary.  If I'm totally relaxed, I'll always be much more effective than if I'm hurrying and wired.
• "Relax Free", "Stress Free", "Energy Boost", and "Success" moderated by Andrew Johnson.  These are too long for work breaks (20-30 minutes), but I could listen that that soothing Scottish accent for hours.  They all start with a guided, total body relaxation.  And then, once I feel that my body is so heavy it's going to sink right through the mattress, Andrew starts planting positive suggestions in my mind about future success, confidence, energy level, fitness, or whatever the theme of that app happens to be. These apps rely on hypnosis, and I think they work for me.  I notice positive effects that last long after each meditation.
• "Relax Completely" with Darren Marks; "Relax and Sleep Well" with Glenn Harrold; "Relax Now" with David Ridgeway.  All hypnosis apps.
• "My Meditation".  Unique app I use when I don't want guided meditation, when I simply want to be reminded--without words--to focus on my breathing.  The app can be configured for a breathing rhythm that feels comfortable for the individual.  I like a 5 second inhale, 1 second hold, and 8 second exhale, 1 second hold.  Just figured this out by trial and error.  A sound like a wave leaving the beach represents inhalation.  A sound like the wind represents exhalation.  Normally, when I don't use an app and just meditate on my breath, my mind wanders.  But I find that the wordless cues from this app reminds me keep my attention on my breath.

Chris Seelbach for City Council

I had a chance to spend over an hour today, mostly one on one, talking with Chris Seelbach.  Chris is running for Cincinnati City Council.  I'm convinced that he has the right ideas about what City Council should be doing.

I asked him about the budget crisis.  I was glad to hear him say that we can't have a budget that contains little more than police and fire.  We have to pay for other services, for urban planning, for quality of life.  And we currently can't do this.  No great city invests solely in police and fire.

So far so good.  These have been my thoughts exactly.  So I asked him how he would balance the budget.  We have about 1100 police.  A few years ago, City Council voted to add 100 police officers.  The Police Chief said they were not necessary and would not make the city safer.  So Chris didn't say how he'd make the transition, but reducing the staffing by 100 or so over time by attrition or other means would provide huge savings.  According to Chris, it would be enough to get us in the black so that we wouldn't be constantly closing community swimming pools and Recreation Centers, canceling recycling programs, and failing to invest in improving the quality of life.

Again, I agree.  I've read about the Police Chief's comments.  He really DID say that he did not want the extra 100 police officers.  For City Council to provide staffing that the Chief of Police did not want seems to me to be a criminal waste of taxpayer dollars.  They did it to get re-elected, and what did I get?  Yard waste that I have to drive to the dump.

I asked Chris about development in Over-the-Rhine and other lower income communities.  I asked him what he thought about the tradeoffs between progress and displacement of the poor.  Chris lives in Over-the-Rhine.  He said that the development there has not been perfect, but it beats the alternative of out-of-control crime in dilapidated housing, the alternative of historic Germanic architecture crumbling into ruins.  He said that the development has been done with careful planning to provide a mix of housing prices so that the community has room for both the working poor and for the professionals who are moving into the area.

Again, I agree.  I've lived in Cincinnati for decades and have welcomed the development in Over-the-Rhine.  I believe that we need to have neighborhoods with mixed income levels so that the wealthier citizens are more likely to empathize with and support their less fortunate neighbors.

Finally, I asked how Chris felt about proposals to have Hamilton County take over policing in Cincinnati to save money.  Chris felt this would just be a tactic to lower police salaries because Hamilton County is non-union.  He was also concerned, as am I, that the Hamilton County Police Department would not be subject to the "Collaborative Agreement".  This is the agreement that was hammered out after the Cincinnati riots over 10 years ago to improve police-community relationships.  It's been widely successful, and I would not want to go back to the tension that permeated the city during the riots.

Control what you can control

My last 2 posts have been about those outcomes that lie completely or almost completely within my control.   Yesterday I was listening to the audiobook "Open-An Autobiography", by tennis great Andre Agassi.

Aggasi said it best.  Before each match, he reminds himself over and over again.  "Control what you can control."

Aggasi writes, "Given all the things that lie beyond my control, I obsess about the few things I can control."  The tension in the strings of his racquets.  The liquids he mixes to keep himself hydrated.  The precise way he packs his tennis bag.  The 22 minute shower he uses to visualize success in the match.  And the effort he puts into each point, as if each point were the last.

The weather, the court conditions, the close line calls, and above all his opponent were beyond his control.  But Aggasi succeeded by focusing on what he could control.

Within Reach

In my last post, I talked about how most of the goals that matter in my life are completely within my control.  My diet, what I pay attention to, whether I exercise, whether I attend to my spirit, whether I'm kind, whether I give my best effort.  I'm completely responsible for these goals, and nobody can stop me.

What about the goals that are not completely in my control? Many of these are MOSTLY up to me.  I can realize these goals if I exert myself and I persist despite temporary setbacks.

Twenty years ago, I got a lesson in this type of persistence from a brilliant engineer named Al Sawdai.  Al and I were in a team attempting to fix a baffling problem that was threatening the launch of a new product.  The team was getting very frustrated.  The problem seemed to defy reason.  It felt as if we could never solve it.  But Al kept repeating, calmly and slowly, with a very thick accent, "Never forget that this problem must obey physics.  It must fit with scientific principles.  If we don't see that yet, we must keep looking, and then we will solve the problem."  No matter how many setbacks we encountered, he remained absolutely confident that we would prevail.  And we eventually did.

In the two decades that have passed in my engineering career since I worked with Al, I remember his attitude and his confidence every time I'm faced with troubleshooting a new problem.  These memories help me realize that, when faced with problems, I may not have COMPLETE control, as I do about daily decisions regarding diet and exercise.  But if I stretch myself and if I persist, I can probably solve the problem.

And it's not just technical problem solving.  There are countless goals in life that are not totally in my control, that are affected by outside forces, but that--with the right effort and persistence--I can almost certainly reach the goal.

Total Control

I hate the new age affirmation, "if you can dream it, you can do it".  No you can't.  I'm never going to run a 4 minute mile.  I'm not going to dunk a basketball.  Nothing I can do about it; totally outside of my control.

But what I CAN control is limitless.  Can I eat right?  Can I exercise?  Can I take time to relax?  Can I help out more in the kitchen?  Can I spend time with the kids?  I usually don't need to achieve remarkable dreams.  Most of what matters is totally within my control.

Without pictures, I can't read

I just read Moonwalking with Einstein: The Art and Science of Remembering Everything.  The author, Joshua Foer, is a journalist who decides to explore the world of "mental athletes"--people who compete in national and international memory contests.  These "athletes" try to out-do each other memorizing dozens of random numbers, one or more decks of shuffled playing cards, and nonsense poems in annual contests.  Joshua learns from the World Champion that none of these "mental athletes" are especially gifted or brilliant.  He learns that the methods are thousands of years old, first documented by the ancient Greeks, and that any reasonably intelligent person can learn them.  Over the next couple of years, Joshua gets trained by the world champion and wins the United States Memory Championship.

The methods involve use of images.  Preferably outlandish images.  The "mental athlete" imagines these images  stored in various places within a location they know well--a childhood home, a school, a familiar street.  The locations are called "memory palaces".  All the mental athletes rely heavily on images in memory palaces, whether they are memorizing random digits, decks of cards, speeches, or poems.

I found the book fascinating but did not see how I could apply it for anything that really mattered to me except for one thing:  reading fiction. As I read Moonwalking with Einstein: The Art and Science of Remembering Everything, I think I figured out why I don't enjoy fiction as much as many other people, including my wife Chris.  As I read fiction, I don't visualize any of the characters.  I don't picture the surroundings or the action.  I don't hear the voices.  I just read the words.  And my lack of visualizing probably explains why I keep forgetting the characters and the plot.  I keep getting lost and then lose interest.

Chris, on the other hand, tells me that she constantly pictures the characters in far more detail than the author spells out.  If the author says, "She read her husband's journal", Chris tells me that she immediately imagines a woman pulling open a drawer in the dresser, pushing aside socks, finding a black leather journal, opening it, and realizing that it is her husband's diary.  Based on what I read in Moonwalking with Einstein: The Art and Science of Remembering Everything, I imagine this helps Chris remember the characters, their situations, all the past events, dialogue, action, and so on so that she never gets lost, never loses track of what is happening.  She stays focused and engaged.  I may never be able to visualize the story as well as Chris naturally does.  But if I make an effort, I'm sure I can do much better than I have and, doing so, I can regain the joy of being unable to put a book down.

Freedom: the Currency of Teenagers

I often wonder with my teenage boys how to get them to care about the things that I feel are good for them, that I want them to master before they leave my home, but which currently they could not care less about.  Eating fruits and vegetables.  Learning to consciously relax and even to meditate.  Building certain social skills.  These are things that they might learn later, but there are no guarantees of this and if we could cultivate these habits while they are under our roof, we'd be more confident that they would become lifelong habits.

So how to perk their interest?  Explaining the benefits of fruits and vegetables, of relaxation, of exercise, of self-awareness, and so on may have some value.  Maybe years from now they'll remember what we said.  I think a parent's words often make an impact years after the same words were ignored.  But how do we know that they won't ignore our advice for the rest of their lives?  How can we motivate them to develop good habits while they still live at home with us?

But I got a new idea from a fine book, Getting it Right with Teens, by Madelyn Swift.  Swift has a general rule for dealing with teenagers.  Their currency is freedom.  They want to make their own choices.  This is the reward you can always hold out for them if you want them to do something.

If there is an area in their lives in which you'd like them to make responsible choices--such as what they eat--you start off by making choices for them.  "This is the food I'm cooking.  It is nutritious, and I'm doing the best I can to make it tasty.  But I'm not giving you many choices yet about what I'm cooking.  You want freedom? You want to eat whatever you want?  I want that too.  I want you to make your own choices because you're going to be making them soon in college and other situations where I'm not around.  I'd love to 'get out of your hair'.  But first I need to see you make responsible choices.  Because I have to make sure I do what is best for you as a parent, even if you're not thrilled about it at first.  But trust me.  We have the same goal.  I want you to be free.  But first, work with me.  Eat some fruits and vegetables and we'll quickly expand your freedom, let you slip in junk food, let you tell me what to buy at the grocery store.  You'll love the freedom, and I'll love feeling like you're likely to make good choices when you are on your own."

In every aspect of teenage life--dating, going out with friends, eating, deciding when to do homework and when to slack off, decorating your room, what to do with free time--hold out the promise of freedom, of autonomy, of establishing your unique lifestyle in return for responsible behavior that keeps your teenager safe, healthy, successful, and happy.

Not Just Sales

The "sales" analogy has been useful for me at work.  The notion that I can't tell the plant sites what to do, and that I need to respect their autonomy, has--ironically--accelerated acceptance of my projects.  

But the "sales" analogy isn't perfect.  I have SOME authority, SOME right to be heard.  Although I'm demanding less, although I recognize that plants have final say over how they run their businesses, there are times when I have had to assert myself.  My programs have enough leadership support that I can push for a response, remind sites of leadership choices, escalate issues to hierarchy, and challenge false statements.

Some of this happened this last week.  I was pleased with myself for calling plant managers, disagreeing with leadership in meetings, and demanding that some meetings happen earlier than the sites wanted.  This worked well for me.  I was able to push forward two stalled projects, and I think my forcefulness persuaded some leaders to buy into my position.  I still recognize that ultimately the sites can always say "no" to my projects.  They might get in trouble for this if my project has strong leadership support, but they can still say "no" and I believe I need to make sure that the sites feel my respect for their autonomy.  But this isn't a pure salesperson-customer relationship.  We are teammates working for the same firm.  What they can't do, what makes this different than pure sales, is that they can't slam the door.

You HAVE to buy my product!!!

Last week, I ran into a friend of mine at the airport.  He was just returning from one of our manufacturing sites and he looked angry and tired.  He told me that his contacts at the site wasn't listening to him.  He felt that they would get better results and would be rewarded for it if they followed his recommendations.

He's probably right.  He's a fine engineer, and his theories have been proven correct many times.  I understand his frustration.  I see this frustration every week when central resources have ideas that they KNOW are right, that they KNOW will make the sites run better, but they don't get cooperation.  I've felt this frustration myself many times for many years.

But central staff people like me are setting ourselves up for frustration if we forget that we are SUPPORT staff, and that we are always SELLING what we have to offer.  Our functional leadership may tell us that we don't need to sell anything.  They tell us that, in many cases, the decision has been made from the Top and that all we have to do is tell the plants to get moving.  But this is rarely the case.  Unless our project involves a safety, legal, quality issue or a new product we need to get to market, the plants can almost always tell us no. 

All too often, we take this personally.  We need to recognize, instead, that we are always selling.  If you want to make a sale, you never tell your customer that they HAVE to buy.  Instead, you focus on what the customer needs and you are thrilled if they just TRY your product.  You work to ensure that their trial is a success so that they come back for more.  Whenever possible, improve your product using their ideas.  This is the attitude that we central resources need to take because it breeds humility, patience, a focus on relationships and service, taking the time to communicate potential benefits and actual results, and respect for the autonomy of the customer.   This is the attitude that I'm taking lately and I seem to be making inroads in more places and with tougher "customers" than I have in the past.

Something they can agree to

At work, I create "standards" that I then have to roll out across six production sites across the country.  If some sites don't agree to use the "standards", then I'm not successful.  It isn't a "standard" unless everyone uses it.

The challenge is that I can't order people to use the "standard".  They don't report to me.  I can develop a "standard" that really works, and some sites might love it and use it.  But other sites might be so busy with other commitments and pressures that they never even try it.  I've struggled with this for years (as have all of my peers doing similar work).

But I got some great coaching this week from the plant manager of one of the six sites.  He told me:

• When leadership agrees that my standard must roll out, stop assuming that all sites will cooperate. They have so many pressures and so little staffing, they can't roll-out everything that hierarchy demands.  Even if the roll-out is a direct order, they sometimes have to say "no" because they get more direct orders than they can possibly deliver.  They'll say "no" if they think they can do so without too much pain and if they aren't sure that what I'm offering them is vital to their success.
• Therefore, never say, "My new standard has been approved for roll-out.  Who can you assign to help me roll it out at your site?"  Instead, say, "This is what my standard can do for you.  Is there one production line where we can try it, at least for a while, so that your people have a chance to evaluate it?"

The plant manager told me that he and his peers can easily agree to a "test line", but they think long and hard before committing to deploying something permanently across all their lines, even if someone outside the plant has declared that it is the new "standard".  He said that, if my "standard" really is great, I'll get my roll-out eventually.  If the test line likes my new standard, the next line will hear about it, and the next.  After a critical mass tries adopts the standard, then I can come back and ask for a resource to finish the roll out.

I've sometimes worked this way, and sometimes have not, but my mentor has convinced me it's always the way to go for my kind of work.  Some projects, such as a new product we're launching in the marketplace in the fall, are unstoppable.  No plant manager can say "no".  But my projects can always be put off.  They involve better ways of doing things that are already "working", just not as well as they could be.  My projects are not as urgent.  So I must always start establish a foothold at each site and then wait for momentum to build.

Give me back my brain!!!!!

We've told our kids a million times, "Don't interrupt people when they're talking or they are busy.  It's not polite."  But it hasn't had much of an effect.  We need to do two things differently:

1. Find a new way to explain to them why this is important.
2. Apply some kind of discipline, some kind of appropriate consequence for interrupting.

Explanations help teach principles that we hope will become part of our kids' lifelong values and personal philosophies.  But we need discipline, too, to ensure the behavior changes. 

Yesterday, I figured out a new way to explain why interruptions matter in life.  I told them:

Every human being has a right to decide, moment to moment, what they want to focus their attention on.  This is how we each feel in control of our lives. 

When you interrupt someone, they can no longer focus on what they were doing. You've taken control of their brain, even if just for a little while. You've taken away their right to choose the object of their concentration.  They resent the loss of control.

What I want you to do, instead, is this:  Interrupt immediately if you have an urgent need.  But otherwise, wait.  Respect the right of others to choose where they focus their brains.  Assess whether they are engrossed in conversation, focused on a difficult task, enjoying a movie or music or peace and quiet.  Decide whether to wait for a better time.  If not, gently get their attention and if they decide to ask you to wait, accept their decision as their right.

For discipline, Chris and I have agreed that any completely unreasonable interruption, any "hijacking of our brains" will be countered with an immediate 15 minute "hijacking" of their brains:  For the next 15 minutes, they can read or meditate, but can't do the other things they'd prefer to focus on.  No TV, computers, etc.  They'll then experience what they just put us through--a temporary hijacking of the mind--and will be better able to resist their next impulse to interrupt

Cry first, then keep a stiff upper lip

Chris and I were talking about someone we both love and admire.  She can come across as stoic.  She's had many great misfortunes in her life.  But in every case, people don't see her grieve much.  She pulls herself together quickly, puts on a stiff upper lip, and gets back to fulfilling her duties to friends and family.  She's quick to say, "I need to move on, put one foot in front of the other, and get back to doing what I was meant to do in life."  She also would challenge her loved ones, when they experienced misfortune, "Get yourself together because your kids (or friends or others) need you."

The popular notion is that being stoic like this is not healthy.  All too often, people who are stoic move on too quickly from grief.  They don't process their feelings.  They "move on" to "move away"--away from their intense feelings, afraid of their intensity, unwilling to face them.  And, in doing so, they leave issues unresolved.  Ironically, by "moving on" too quickly, they can never leave.

But is this woman Chris and I admire really like that?  In our hearts, we know she is not.  We know that she feels deeply and faces her grief with courage.  She has the best kind of stoicism, the best kind of "stiff upper lip".  We feel that she has mastered the art of facing her grief honestly, deeply, and quickly so that she can pull herself together quickly and get back to serving her mission in life.  She cries first, then puts on a stiff upper lip.

I'm reminded of my favorite passage from Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life's Greatest Lesson.  Morrie Schwartz was the author's professor back in college.  Morrie was dying of Lou Gehrig's disease.  The author, Mitch Albom, spent fourteen Tuesdays with Morrie before Morrie died.  In this time, Morrie taught Mitch how to live.  My favorite passage in the book describes how a person can fully experience grief or any other intense feeling, and by fully letting themselves go with it, they can then detach themselves.  They can then move on with a stiff upper lip.  On the sixth Tuesday, Morrie says:

"Take any emotion--love for a woman, or grief for a loved one, or what I'm going through, fear and pain from a deadly illness.  If you hold back on the emotions--if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them--you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid. You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief.  You're afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails.

 But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head, you experience them fully and completely.  You know what pain is.  You know what love is.  You know what grief is.  And only then can you say, 'All right.  I have experienced that emotion.  I recognize that emotion.  Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment."

This is the secret.  This is how the woman that Chris and I love and admire manages to move on quickly.  This is how she can have a huge heart and be stoic at the same time, how she can move on quickly and get back to living.

Relaxing at the Dentist

It's been a tough week.  One of the "highlights" was my visit to the dentist.  So I decided to practice deep relaxation while the dentist's drill bore into tooth #30 (third from the wisdom tooth on the lower right) to fill a long crack that threatens the entire tooth.

Just for a change of pace, I've been trying a change in my daily meditation.  Instead of laying down and listening to instrumental music on Pandora or Accuradio, I've been listening to guided relaxation apps on my iPhone.  So as my dentist, Marvin, shot novacaine into my mouth, as my muscles ached from holding my jaws wide open for 45 minutes, as Marvin pressed with all his might to force the bonding agent into the crack, I asked myself, "Where do I feel tension?  Which muscles need to relax?"

It was almost tongue-in-cheek, but who knows where my tongue was with all that novacaine.  It was a challenge.  "Can I do this?  Can I notice whether my feet are tensed up?  My shoulders?  And--even more challenging--if they are, can I relax them under these conditions?"  This was more fun than focusing on the sound of the drill and my aching jaw muscles.

It seemed to work.  For whatever reason, my legs were relaxed.  Most of the tension was in my shoulders, arms, and hands.  And I was able to let go of the tension.  The whole thing helped me get through the event.  It distracted me from the pain.  Gave me something to do.  And a small sense of accomplishment.

Looking out for #1, #2, #3 . . .

I went to a corporate training event yesterday and was disappointed with one of the speakers.  She talked about a model in which, in any project or team, you make it your top priority to meet your own needs.  The theory is that if everyone approaches the project aware of their needs and intent on meeting those needs, we'll all come away winners.

I don't buy it.  This goes against everything I've been reading about negotiation, leadership, and motivating others in books such as "The Speed of Trust" by Steven Covey, "Getting to Yes" by William Ury, "Stomp the Elephant at the Workplace" by Steve Vannoy, and "Leading Change" by John Kotter.  It is important to look out for #1.  For each project, you have to think about what you need to get out of the project.  You need to analyze your interests and you pursue getting your needs met.  But you also need to look out for #2, #3, #4, etc.

For example, I've just joined a project that has been around for several years.  I have some personal/career interests to consider.  I need to quickly make some kind of contribution, and word needs to spread that I played a key role in getting the result.  But I'll fail if I don't consider the needs of everyone else on the project.  They also want to look good with their leadership.  Each person has different career pressures and goals.  Too often in the past I've thought that I only need to worry about two things:  (1) the impersonal "business need", and (2) how the project affects my interests.  I now know I need to expand my concerns.  I need to understand the needs of everyone else on the team.  As I probe their goals, their situation, their pressures, I can feel their growing trust.  I'm not just considering my personal goals, the goals of my engineering discipline, or the project goals.  I also care about what they are going through and that, when they work with me, we'll likely to find solutions that make everybody look good.

Glad they DON'T pay him

Is NFLMocks.com taking advantage of my son?  He's just 15 years old, but he's been writing for them since February.  They've told him that they can't pay him; that they don't pay any of their writers; that only the editors get paid.

We have no proof.  We just have their word, and we've never met them.

It's possible.  Lots of people write on the Internet for free, just to get exposure.  But Chris and I have wondered if we should make more of a fuss about this and push them to pay.

When Kenzie turned 13, his passion for NFL and NCAA football videogames morphed into a passion for football player stats which morphed into a passion for evaluating the talents of college football players.  He turned into an amateur college football scout.  Each year, he'd Tivo dozens of college games on whatever obscure Warner Cable channel was carrying the game and take copious notes on 160+ players he'd decided to scout that year.  He'd put together a "Big Board" ranking the players, create a Mock Draft and mail his predictions to ESPN prior to the actual draft, hoping to get a response.  Kenzie started a blog, "Player-rater.blogspot.com" that eventually drew 5,000 hits per month.  Then the chief editor at NFLMocks.com, who had read Kenzie's blog for over a year, invited him to start writing for them.

NFLMocks.com has advertisements.  They must get some income.  Should we push for pay?

Maybe not.  According to Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, by Daniel Pink, money can demotivate.  People who do things out of passion may lose creativity and pleasure when the same activity becomes a job.  Instead of doing the task because of how it makes them feel, they do it because they want to get paid and the activitiy becomes a drudgery.

The most relevant study that Pink cites involved students at the Chicago Art Institute.  While they were in school, some of these students had found ways to get paid for their artwork.  Others simply practiced their art  because they loved it.  The study followed up on these students for over a decade after they graduated.  Guess who turned out to be the most successful professional artists, both critically and financially?  You guessed it.  The artists who, as students, were never paid.

So maybe it's a good thing that Kenzie works his butt off for this website and they don't pay him one red cent.    Let him work for free now.  We'll argue about his pay a few years from now.  But we won't be arguing with the website.  We'll be arguing with ESPN.

Balancing Act

My job involves changing how people manage manufacturing lines.  This can be challenging technically.  But I find it much more challenging emotionally.  Even though the change involves equipment, I'm still asking people to change what they do, and any request to change behavior triggers emotions.

These are the kinds of things I hope my customers will think and feel:  "I never realized that the way we were doing this was so flawed.  I can see that changing our approach is going to really help.  Ben seems to sincerely want us to do better, and he's willing to work hard to help us get there.  If the line starts to run better, it's going to make me look good.  It will be good for my career".

However, if I'm not careful, they could easily think and feel these things instead:  "Who does Ben think he is? I've been working on this line for years, and he thinks he can come here and turn things around in just a few days?  And what's he telling people about me and my lines?  That we don't know what we're doing?  Maybe people will think I've overlooked obvious opportunities.  Maybe this will be bad for my career even if it DOES help my line run better.  Maybe Ben's trying to claim all the glory even though all my hard work laid the foundation for success.  I built it, he tweaked it, and he gets the credit for my results!"

So how do I ensure my customer's thoughts and feelings support change instead of making change impossible?  I'm still studying leadership books on this topic and trying to put their ideas into practice.  Here are a few things that have helped so far:

• Don't come in with a detailed plan.  Emphasize that I'm exploring ways I can contribute.
• If I point out a flaw, send the message, "This is a problem, but I've seen it on many other lines.  We've fixed it on those lines and we can fix it here."
• Work very hard to solicit their ideas, and then add those ideas to the plan.  Then it becomes "our" plan instead of "Ben's" plan.  In the book, Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, the author, Daniel Pink, talks about how people feel motivated at work when they feel autonomous--when they feel they are able to choose how to do their work.  If they input into the plan, then they are helping to choose how they will do their work.  They retain a feeling of control and choice.
• Avoid saying that they HAVE to do it my way.  Even if higher levels of leadership have asked me to roll out some system or method to all the lines, don't play that card.  Instead, find opportunities to ask for their approval.  "Would you be OK with running this test tonight?"  "Which of these things do you think we should do first?"  Giving them opportunities to decide "yes" or decide "no" further builds their sense of autonomy and control.
• Respond positively to any criticism. "You don't like the layout of the spreadsheet?  What would you prefer?"
• Build personal rapport with people at all levels:  technicians running equipment, line leaders, department managers, and the plant manager.  Get to know them personally.  And find out about their concerns at work so that I can help them see the link between their interests and the changes I'm proposing.
• Make progress early, even in something small, so they start to believe that working with me will be good for them and for their lines.
• Finally, only do and say things that will build trust.  Even if I get frustrated about something, don't vent to others about them.  If this gets back to them, trust will be destroyed.

All of this is very challenging for me.  I have NOT mastered this, and I see plenty of people around me who seem to be more naturally collaborative, who more automatically seek consensus versus jumping to an answer and trying to sell it.  But I'm excited about developing the mastery.  It's just another skill, like getting better at tennis or golf.  It feels good to know that I CAN learn this, I can see the way to get there, and I'm anticipating becoming a much better leader in the years ahead.

Doing old things in new ways

Many of the people I work with contribute to the company by helping to start something new:  a new product, a new production line, or new invention.  Others contribute by convincing people to adopt new ways of doing things.

I'm in the latter group.  I don't work on new products or projects.  Instead, I see how we run our equipment, how we train our people, and I think, "This is wrong!  No wonder we're not running better!"  I think of ways we should change our systems, our procedures, and the way we manage our equipment.

There are lots of people in this group.  I think most people who make a big impact in manufacturing do so because they see a better way to run the plant.  Their creativity lies in doing old things in new ways.  A manager of a group of production lines often outperforms his or her peers only when they find new ways of doing an old thing:  getting cases of product out the door.

Getting an organization to change its habits is very different than rolling out a new product or machine.  The book, Leading Change, whose cover appears at the top of this post, needs to become my Bible.  The book is based on a Harvard Business School study of companies that try to get their employees to drastically change how they do their work.  Most such change efforts fail.  Those that succeed, follow a process that begins with a conscious attack on complacency.  It continues with forming alliances, sharing a vision, communicating broadly, getting short term wins to build momentum, and setting up systems to maintain the change.  

If I was rolling out a funded project, such as a new product that starts shipping in November, I wouldn't need to do all this time consuming communication.  People can't say "no" to a funded project.  But they can say "no" to my recommended changes in how they do their jobs.  I want them to say "yes".

Horror Stories

The FDA estimates that over 200,000 people will quit smoking as a result of new labels that will be placed on packages of cigarettes beginning this fall.  I'll bet they are right.  The new labels show graphic, emotional images.  The one shown above is the LEAST graphic.  The images are bound to trigger emotions, and that is exactly how you can persuade people to change according to the business studies I've been reading such as The Heart of Change: Real-Life Stories of How People Change Their Organizations, Leading Change, and Stomp the Elephant in the Office: Put an End to the Toxic Workplace, Get More Done -- and Be Excited About Work Again.

I'm trying to do this with my main project at work.  It's a new information system that makes sure equipment is run at technically correct settings to.  I'm sure the settings will be often be WRONG and inconsistent from line to line if my system is not used.  For years I've explained this logically.  I think my logic has been sound.  And who have I convinced?  A few friends, people who have done projects with me, and readers of my blog!

I need images of lung cancer, pictures of patients on respirators.  Take the advice of the  Food and Drug Administration.  Show people how bad things can be if they don't change.

For the last few weeks, I've stopped using logic.  I'm starting to show people examples of how poorly our equipment is current set-up.  How inconsistently.  How our newest, shiniest, most expensive production lines have no clear records of how the equipment is supposed to be set up and run.  Show them the same things that got me wound up.  Forget logic.  Show them the consequences of the status quo.  I can already see a shift in how people are reacting.  I see their shock and their recognition that we need a change.

Breakthrough

For the last week, I've struggled to document a detailed work plan for next year.  I think I've figured out why this is so hard for me. 

It feels good to make huge commitments.  It feels good to say, "yes", whenever my leadership or my customers ask for something.  Makes me feel like celebrating.  The reason I don't like to write detailed plans is that these plans show me whenever I have over-committed.  Stop celebrating, because you can't deliver this in the timing you're thinking of and with the resources you have.  "The party's over, folks!  Everyone go home!"

I felt that way many times during the last week as I laid out my plans.  The planning process forced me to admit, over and over again, that my goals were too ambitious.  I had to narrow the scope of many goals.  Focus on fewer critical things so that the new goals are realistic enough to survive the scrutiny of the planning process.

I finally have a plan created in Microsoft Project that I'm ready to propose to my boss on Monday.  It was a struggle to put together, but I'm happy with the result.  I think I've made the right compromises.  I let go of many things but kept the most important and finally ended up with something that feels right.  It feels like the right balance.  It feels like a stretching commitment to deliver some very important results, and yet it feels doable.