Mutual Need

One of my favorite quotes from Keith Ferrazzi's book about networking called "Never Eat Alone" is the following:

"A network functions precisely because there's recognition of mutual need.  There's an implicit understanding that investing time and energy in building personal relationships with the right people will pay dividends." 

I'm finding that Ferrazzi is right.  When interacting with others at work, it's easy to focus almost all conversation on what it takes to deliver the project that has been assigned to me.  Why discuss anything else?  I was told to deliver a result--call it "X"--and now I'm calling people to get their help.  Seems logical, right?

But when I approach things this way, I usually find that my network of contacts isn't very motivated to help.  People don't show up to conference calls, don't meet deadlines, don't respond to e-mails.

What is missing?  An emphasis on mutual need.  I've been told to deliver "X".  My contacts around the country have been told by their bosses to deliver "Y".  If I only talk about "X" with my contacts, I'm talking about my needs and not theirs.  They usually have SOME interest in project "X", assuming the project is truly worth doing.  But it may not be as high a priority for them as it is for me.  If I'm going to engage my contacts, my interactions with them need to be more of a 2 way street.

I've had much better results when I have focused on mutual needs, when I've talked about my contacts' needs at least as much as I've talked about my own, when I've asked about their goals, interests, and concerns both at work and at home, and when I've found ways to help them with some of these goals.  One could argue that investing time in supporting these other goals isn't exactly what my hierarchy asked me to do; that it is a diversion away from my top priority, away from the bottom line results I've been asked to deliver with urgency.  But ironically the time I spend helping others with their projects, asking about their families and their health, deepening friendships will get me to my goals faster.  As Ferrazzi says in the quote above, in an effective network there is a shared understanding--almost a faith--that investing in relationships and supporting each other's needs "will pay dividends".  Because unlike a team that does not "gel", a team whose members skip meetings and miss deadlines, a team of friends will enthusiastically apply their talents to quickly deliver the goal.