Sunday, May 3, 2015

Getting Ready to Serve

Great tennis players go through highly personal rituals to help them concentrate before they serve.  Baseball players do the same before they step up to the plate to face the pitcher.  Competitors in all sports use routines to center themselves.  Would we all benefit from similar routines before we step up to the plate in our homes and our offices?

I listened to a great podcast from "".  The episode for "Instant Confidence" takes you through a long hypnosis intended to create a ritual that--unlike bouncing a tennis ball or kissing a baseball bat--is something you can do in any environment without getting noticed.  You choose your ritual early in the podcast.  The ritual is called an "anchor".  The anchor includes your choice of a subtle hand gesture, an image of someone--a hero--who you feel epitomizes confidence, and a word you say to yourself such as "strong" or the name of your hero.  Then you are guided in the podcast to recall a time in your life in which you felt totally in command of the situation, felt you were on a roll, at your best.  You then "fire your anchor"--your hand gesture, image, and the word you say to yourself.  You are guided to repeat this several more times during the hypnosis session, recalling different wonderful times in your life when you felt in total control.  At the end of the session, you now have a tool you can use in any situation to generate a sense of confidence and ease.

I have been using this technique for a week now and find it so simple yet so powerful.  In meetings, at home, in almost any situation, if I notice some stress I slyly, secretly "fire my anchor" and I always seem to feel more in command of the situation.

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Slicing up Time

I recently read a book on improving one's productivity called "Work Simply" by Carson Tate.  I thought the most unique part of her book was that she believes that individuals will be more productive if they use work planning methods that are aligned to what she calls their "Personal Productivity Style".  In her past research, she developed a very short assessment tool for identifying your "Personal Productivity Style".  Everyone in my family took the test and the results matched how we perceived ourselves and perceived each other.  She writes that you can find the tool on her website,, but I haven't been able to find it there yet.

In different chapters of "Work Simply", Carson describes what works best for "Prioritizers", "Planners", "Arrangers", and "Visualizers" in different areas:  managing emails, making To Do lists, managing their calendars, setting up their workspaces, running meetings, and working with teams.  One common theme seems to be how finely people with these different productivity styles will carve up time or projects.  On one end of the spectrum, "Prioritizers" book their calendars in detail, with 20 minutes of answering emails followed by 15 minutes up making phone calls followed by 30 minutes each on 4 projects.  They also quickly divide projects into small tasks, set priorities, and plunge through from one to the next without hesitation.  On other end of the spectrum, "Visualizers" have "theme days":  Mondays are for Marketing, Tuesdays are for networking, Wednesdays for strategizing, and so on.  Of course they will be flexible enough to react to urgent needs, but they feel best when the whole day has a unifying theme and priority.  And, when it comes to projects, they spend more time with the big picture and dread working the details.

I like Carson's attitude that no one set of planning tools will work for everyone.  She does recognize that there are some things that will help anyone be productive such as a calendar and a task list.  But she encourages people identify their own productivity style by using her assessment tool and then to ask themselves whether they'd be happier and more productive if they took their personal productivity style into account and rearrange their desks, block out their calendars differently, and or change the time horizon and detail in their To-Do Lists.  A little experimenting doesn't hurt either.  Based on the Assessment Tool, I'm a Planner first and Prioritizer second but sometimes I find that the occasional "Theme Day" gives me a break from overwhelming detail.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Happiness is not for Sissies

One of the key themes of the book The Undefeated Mind by Alex Lickerman is that it takes strength to be happy.  You need to be tough.  You need to be thick skinned.  Happiness is not for the timid.  You have to be bold and able to take a punch.

Although we genetically are born with a different starting point for how cheerful we are--what psychologists often refer to as a "happiness setpoint"--we will all suffer.  We will all have misfortunes.  Happiness requires resilience.  Dr. Lickerman describe two aspects to resilience:

  1. The ability to thrive in the face of adversity
  2. Persistence when encountering obstacles
Resilience, to Dr. Lickerman, is a strength we can cultivate.  His book describes the exercises that make you resilient.  They make you hardy.  Tough enough to stay happy when things don't go your way.

Clarify your personal mission in the various roles you play in life (career, family, etc.).  Make important commitments.  Expect victory but only through hard work overcoming plenty of obstacles.  Believe you can still be happy even after pain or loss.  Cultivate gratitude.  Help others.  These practices are the push-ups that give you the strength to stay happy even when things get tough.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Optimistic about the Outcome, Pessimistic about the Path

Optimistic about the outcome:  "I'm going to make it.  I know I've got the skill, the strength, and the patience to find a way to succeed."

Pessimistic about the path:  "I'll succeed, but it won't be easy.  I may find myself in some very difficult situations.  I might not always know at first what I should do next.  I might slip at times and might get scared.  I'll have to tap into my reserves of endurance, patience, and courage before I finally reach the top."

In his book The Undefeated Mind, Alex Lickerman describes his ideas for strengthening your ability to handle adversity.  One of his recommendations is to "expect obstacles".  He describes research showing that people who expect tasks to be difficult tend to persist when things to wrong while those who expect tasks to be easy give up easily.  He recommends what I see as a delicate balance between optimism and pessimism.  In some of his chapters he talks about making vows about your important goals.  In these chapters, I see him advocating optimism--confidence that for most of these vows you will prevail somehow, even if the outcome isn't exactly what you expected.  And in the "expect obstacles", I see him advocating pessimism at least about what he calls "task difficulty".

I think this is a brilliant and all to rare balance of being positive and being negative.  Most authors these days seem to push for nothing but positive thinking.  The worst cases, to me, are the ones who tell you to just visualize things the way you want them to be and then wait for the mysterious power of the universe to manifest your dreams.  Lickerman, instead, tells you to dream but then plan on a very tough road to reach that dream.  Better to be pleasantly surprised when you reach that dream easily than to get discouraged and give up the first time anything goes wrong.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Your Mission, If You Choose to Accept It . . .

According to The Undefeated Mind, by Alex Lickerman, defining your mission at work and at home can lead to more resilience in the face of life's upheavals.  Dr. Lickerman defines your mission as whatever you feel most excited about contributing to the world around you.

This mission will be different for everyone.  For me, when I'm at work, the "mission" that turns me on the most is to improve morale for the technicians who operate our production lines.  This ISN'T my job description.  I'm supposed to improve production results to improve profits, not morale.  But there is enough overlap that I can put a lot of my energy into reducing frustration and tedium for factory workers, into making them feel confident and skilled and in control, and this makes my work feel more meaningful and important to me than it would if I focused solely on manufacturing cost.  And having this sense of purpose makes it easy to cope with the inevitable project failures, budget cuts, difficult people, and other obstacles that we all encounter in our jobs.

I have different missions for the other roles I play in life outside of work.  My missions are unique for me, but they aren't special.  They are no better than what another person might choose for their own lives.  Alex Lickerman's advice is that, for each role you have in life--each context you find yourself in daily such as work and home--you think through the question "What is my mission here?   What way of contributing to the world outside myself is most fulfilling for me in this part of my life?"  And then keep reminding yourself about that mission every day.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

The Undefeated Mind

When we moved my son into the University of Chicago a couple of weeks ago, one of the speakers at a session for parents was Professor Alex Lickerman, author of "The Undefeated Mind".  Professor Lickerman was discussing Student Health and Counseling Services at the University, but he also spoke about his"Resilience Project", a training program offered to all students that has been correlated to greater success at school and better results in several measures of well-being and happiness.

Because Professor Lickerman was a great speaker who even made College Health Insurance sound fascinating, I decided to buy his book.  I love it.

The core idea is that we can remain relatively happy as we experience the ups and downs of life if we never allow ourselves to be defeated.  If we never stop trying.  If we never stop looking for a new strategy to overcome adversity, even when every other strategy has failed, then we have not been defeated.

I've had some hard times at work in the last year.  I've tried different strategies to manage the people who are making my job so difficult and unpleasant.  Every new approach has failed.  At times I think I let myself feel defeated, as if with some of these people nothing was ever going to work.  But then I'd try a new strategy until I finally found something that seems to be working.

As I've read "The Undefeated Mind", I realize that I was most unhappy when I gave up hope, when I allowed myself to think that there was no way around these people, that I'd have to cave in and do work that was less than I was capable of and deliver results that were less than what mattered.  I was most unhappy when I was close to having a "Defeated Mind".  But when I kept thinking, "What if?" and kept brainstorming up more ways to get around the people who were holding me back, I eventually found some techniques that started to work.  I can see that this is what it means to have an "Undefeated Mind".  As long as I keep struggling, I haven't been defeated.

As Lickerman writes, "possessing an undefeated mind means never forgetting that defeat comes not from failing but from giving up."

Sunday, September 28, 2014


My oldest son, Mackenzie, will be starting as a freshman at the University of Chicago on Monday.  We moved him to his dorm last weekend and helped him get settled in.  It's been years since I'd seen him acting so excited, since I'd seen him approaching one person after another after another, striking up conversations so often that after just 2 days everywhere we walked on campus students were already calling him out by name.  All I could think of whenever I saw him interacting with the other students was, "He's going to thrive here!"

I'm still feeling euphoric, still feeling like he's about to start the best years of his life.  It also got me thinking about the relationship between your circumstances and your happiness, between your circumstances and whether or not you thrive.

There has been plenty of research suggesting that perhaps 60-70% of your happiness is NOT a function of your objective circumstances.  According to Positive Psychology researchers such as Sonya Lyubomirsky, we are born with "Happiness Setpoints" that explain much of the difference between those who are perpetually gloomy and those who are perpetually cheery.  Life happens and people may temporarily cheer up or get sad, but they often bounce back to their usual level of happiness.  The remaining 30-40% of our happiness is in our control and is affected by things like our social behavior, our activities, and our thought patterns.

So will my son really thrive in Chicago?  Is this just the temporary excitement of new circumstances?  I don't think so.  Sometimes circumstances change in a way in which their impact is usually fleeting.  Your girlfriend dumps you.  You get a raise at work.  You get a new iPhone.  But other life changes have a more lasting effect because they help you transform your social behavior, your activities, and your thought patterns.  They thus help you transform the 30-40% of your thoughts and actions directly raise or lower your happiness.

For the last 6 years, Mackenzie attended Walnut Hills High School, a school whose outstanding academics attracts students from all over the city.  Unfortunately, this creates a circumstance in which it is hard to spend time with the friends that you make at school.  It's not like when I went to my neighborhood high school and we could all see each other on weeknights or weekends.  At Walnut or any other great city "magnet" school, unless your parents endlessly drive you around, you better hope that many of your best school friends live in walking distance.  With very few exceptions, Mackenzie was not so lucky.  None of us regret his attending such a fine High School.  It's academic strengths are a big reason he was able to get into the prestigious University of Chicago.  But I think I see how the circumstances at Walnut may have held him back a bit.  I also saw last week how drastically different the social opportunities are for him at University of Chicago.  These are his kind of intellectual people, debating politics, philosophy, history--people from all around the world with fascinating backgrounds and cultures.  And they live with him in his dorm or within walking distance at other dorms.  And I feel how he can't believe his good fortune, how thrilled he is to engage with so many people, and I know that this isn't just something new and exciting.  He is going to thrive.