Letting go of Demands

How does one let go of demands?  In my last post, I discussed the benefits of preferring, rather than demanding, that things turn out the way we want them to.  But how do we do this?  When we seek our goals with passion, if things don't go as planned, how do we react with serene acceptance (preferring) rather than frustration or disappointment (demanding)?

I feel that at least part of the answer is to cultivate an awareness of change.  Awareness that nothing stays exactly the same moment to moment.  As the Greek philosopher Heraclitus said, "You can never step in the same river twice."  And when we see that this is true of our health, our relationships, our careers, our communities, our natural environment, and everything else, it becomes easier to set goals in all these areas and accept that the outcome might not be exactly as we wish or expect.

I think this is part of how the practice of Buddhism has "worked" over the centuries, how it has helped practitioners be at least a little bit happier than they would have been without the practice.  Buddhist practitioners contemplate Buddha's teachings about the impermanent nature of everything.  These teachings help them cultivate intellectual awareness of constant change.  To add to that intellectual awareness, they meditate.  And as they meditate, they sense the coming and going of their thoughts, of itching, of leg cramps, of back pains, of the relaxation that comes with exhaling, of the pleasure of a deep inhale, of their agitation or sadness or happiness or worry, of sounds, of sights and smells.  And thus they experience the reality of constant change.  And if they do this daily, they cultivate an emotional understanding of flow that reinforces their intellectual understanding.  And then, if they strive at work or at home or in their communities to reach new goals, they are less likely to be surprised or disappointed if things change in ways that they did not expect.  Knowing that all of reality is a rushing river, they are less likely to demand control.