Give and Ask For Help

I'm reading "Never Eat Alone" by Keith Ferrazzi.  The book is about how to network:  how to establish and build relationships that will help you meet your goals.  It would be easy to assume that the book is about playing politics, hypocritically approaching and flattering people you don't really care about just to get ahead.  That might be the way a lot of people network.  But Ferrazzi is a passionate teacher of a much more virtuous, and probably more effective form of networking.  His networking is based on generosity.

He believes that nothing builds relationships faster than helping others or asking for their help.  Listening to the needs of others with sincere interest and looking for opportunities to help them realize their dreams.  At the same time, eliminating any hesitation you may have to ask for help.

You may have been raised to rely only on yourself, to avoid "burdening" others with your problems.  You may have watched a few too many movies starring Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, or Gary Cooper.  Ferrazzi suggests you learn to shift from being self reliant to being reliant on others.  This is a key aspect of teamwork and of leadership.  It is a gift to others to offer them a chance to be generous and help you realize a worthwhile goal.

This feels to me like the essence of teamwork, the essence of leadership.  A leader offers help and asks for help.  In a recent article in Time magazine, a person who wrote a book about John F. Kennedy's presidency wrote that he felt Barrack Obama has not engaged the hearts of most Americans largely because he hasn't asked us to help him.  Kennedy, by contrast, created a feeling of personal connection when told us, "Ask not what your country can do for you.  Ask what you can do for your country."

I tried to apply these ideas during a business trip last week.  The purpose of the trip was to run a test on some equipment.  Normally, I would have made the test my sole focus. But last week, I talked to someone about how his life has changed since he had open heart surgery five years ago, another person about his seven year old daughter's severe illness, and two young engineers about their current assignments and likely future assignments.  I also asked several people to help me with technical and human resource issues.  I think I deepened at least 5 or 6 relationships.  And I still got my testing finished.