We've told our kids a million times, "Don't interrupt people when they're talking or they are busy. It's not polite." But it hasn't had much of an effect. We need to do two things differently:
- Find a new way to explain to them why this is important.
- Apply some kind of discipline, some kind of appropriate consequence for interrupting.
Explanations help teach principles that we hope will become part of our kids' lifelong values and personal philosophies. But we need discipline, too, to ensure the behavior changes.
Yesterday, I figured out a new way to explain why interruptions matter in life. I told them:
Every human being has a right to decide, moment to moment, what they want to focus their attention on. This is how we each feel in control of our lives.
When you interrupt someone, they can no longer focus on what they were doing. You've taken control of their brain, even if just for a little while. You've taken away their right to choose the object of their concentration. They resent the loss of control.
What I want you to do, instead, is this: Interrupt immediately if you have an urgent need. But otherwise, wait. Respect the right of others to choose where they focus their brains. Assess whether they are engrossed in conversation, focused on a difficult task, enjoying a movie or music or peace and quiet. Decide whether to wait for a better time. If not, gently get their attention and if they decide to ask you to wait, accept their decision as their right.
For discipline, Chris and I have agreed that any completely unreasonable interruption, any "hijacking of our brains" will be countered with an immediate 15 minute "hijacking" of their brains: For the next 15 minutes, they can read or meditate, but can't do the other things they'd prefer to focus on. No TV, computers, etc. They'll then experience what they just put us through--a temporary hijacking of the mind--and will be better able to resist their next impulse to interrupt
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