When does a family man or woman get to enjoy things that matter only to him or her? It's easy to feel as if everything you do is geared to somebody else's needs. It's easy to feel that somebody else is controlling how you spend your day. It is easy to feel resentment.
The resentment comes even when both spouses share equally in generating the "To Do" list. Neither spouse imposed their will on the other. Each freely agreed on what needed to be done. And yet, both often look back on their days and see so little "me" time that they feel as if they were the only ones in the family whose needs were neglected.
The solution? I'm happy to give the vast majority of my free time and my energy to the needs of family and home. But I also need to spend some "me time", doing things that don't directly benefit or interest my wife, the kids, the dogs, or the home. Things like meditation, nature walks, listening to music, writing, going to art museums, and some of my volunteer work. I can't just do these things whenever I want to and for however long I want to. I have to work out with my family how best to squeeze in these activities so that family needs come first. And I have to do the same for my wife, asking her what help she needs from me so that she can squeeze in some time each day for her favorite things.
I find that, as long as I squeeze in a little time each day for these most important personal needs, the illusion that someone else is in control of my life goes away. If I do a few things that are JUST for me, it's easier to remember that the rest of what I do for home, family, and community is also my choice. Nobody else is in control. It's ALL "me time".
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