I went to a corporate training event yesterday and was disappointed with one of the speakers. She talked about a model in which, in any project or team, you make it your top priority to meet your own needs. The theory is that if everyone approaches the project aware of their needs and intent on meeting those needs, we'll all come away winners.
I don't buy it. This goes against everything I've been reading about negotiation, leadership, and motivating others in books such as "The Speed of Trust" by Steven Covey, "Getting to Yes" by William Ury, "Stomp the Elephant at the Workplace" by Steve Vannoy, and "Leading Change" by John Kotter. It is important to look out for #1. For each project, you have to think about what you need to get out of the project. You need to analyze your interests and you pursue getting your needs met. But you also need to look out for #2, #3, #4, etc.
For example, I've just joined a project that has been around for several years. I have some personal/career interests to consider. I need to quickly make some kind of contribution, and word needs to spread that I played a key role in getting the result. But I'll fail if I don't consider the needs of everyone else on the project. They also want to look good with their leadership. Each person has different career pressures and goals. Too often in the past I've thought that I only need to worry about two things: (1) the impersonal "business need", and (2) how the project affects my interests. I now know I need to expand my concerns. I need to understand the needs of everyone else on the team. As I probe their goals, their situation, their pressures, I can feel their growing trust. I'm not just considering my personal goals, the goals of my engineering discipline, or the project goals. I also care about what they are going through and that, when they work with me, we'll likely to find solutions that make everybody look good.
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