Just One Goal

In a week, my new volunteer role should be official.  President of my neighborhood Community Council.  A neighborhood community council plays so many different roles:  supporting the business district, advocating for the neighborhood with city government, fundraising, using the internet to keep neighbors informed, publishing a newsletter, sponsoring community events such as holiday festivals and parades, and leveraging relationships with police, fire department, recreation centers, and a variety of other neighborhood and government organizations.

Am I crazy?  How can I juggle this new role with work and family commitments?  My last few blog posts have described elements of my strategy:

• Using a timer to ensure I spend no more than 30 minutes per day on this role (other than meetings).  If I don't get everything done in that time, that's got to be OK.  This is worth this much time and no more.
• Because most of the work is on the phone or on a computer, setting up my home office to hit the ground running whenever I start one of my 30 minute sessions.  The key for the computer is building a "wall" between this part of my life and the rest by using a separate browser for community council work.  Separate e-mail address that is always logged in.  Bookmarks, "cloud" storage, websites all set up just for this work with no Facebook or any other distractions.  I don't have a lot of time too "get in the zone" when I need to do this work.
• Probably most important of all, with an organization that touches so many areas, I've let the other 14 Trustees know that I have just one key goal and need their help with everything else:  My goal is to make a breakthrough in how this 50+ year old organization collaborates.  
• Leverage modern tools such as "Google Drive" to share files, "Teamviewer" for conference calls in which we can all see the same computer desktop, discussion boards in which topics are created and any trustee can post.
• Facilitate communication among the trustees by phone, internet, and provide more social interaction because I know that we'll be more effective if there is SOME kind of social connection.

I might get tempted to get heavily involved in an upcoming festival, in networking with government organizations, in fundraising, or in other areas.  But I have to resist these temptations, ask others to step in, and focus on the one legacy I want to deliver in my one year term:  a permanent improvement in how this organization collaborates.  Other than the absolute "givens" for my role that are written in the by-laws, improved collaboration is my only goal.

Timers and Trust

I use the "Joseph-Joseph" timer shown in this picture to control how much time I spend writing this blog and doing volunteer work.  A timer helps me budget my time.  Without a timer, I'm likely to drastically "overspend" my time on these interests, leaving insufficient time for family, chores, and fun.

The timer creates trust.  I set a budget:  30 minutes to write a blog about once per week, and 30 minutes almost daily on my new volunteer role.  Then I have to be strict.  When the "Joseph-Joseph" rings, I have to stop.  No rewinding, no "just a few more minutes".  Develop a consistent habit of stopping immediately.

When I'm consistent about this, week after week, lots of good things happen.  Most important, I gain trust.  My family starts to trust that I won't get carried away and forget about them.  And I start to trust myself that I'll limit my time appropriately.  Another benefit is that, when the clock is ticking, I'm extremely focused.  I know that this is the only time I'm going to get to do this work so I'm fully engaged and efficient.

I wouldn't want to be a slave to a stopwatch on everything.  Most things at home are free flowing, spending whatever time I feel like spending.  But some activities matter to me and to nobody else in the house.  These are the activities that need strict time management so that the time I spend on them is in synch with my priorities and values.

Browsers for Work, for Play, and for Volunteering

I find that it's best to build walls between work, family/fun time, and my volunteer work.   Whichever situation I'm on, I find it's best to focus at that time in that one area of my life.  Otherwise I can't concentrate; I'm overwhelmed with all the things that need to get done.

Recently, I've learned to build walls between my Internet Browsers. I use Internet Explorer for work, Google Chrome for family/fun/social browsing, and Opera for my volunteer work.  I set up each with different e-mail addresses and bookmarked websites so that, when I choose to engage in that part of my life, all the messages in my inbox and all my bookmarked websites are precisely targeted for that part of my life.  For example, my volunteer work is community related so every bookmark is geared to local government, local news, and neighborhood organizations.  And all my e-mails are strictly separated.

On your mark! Get set . . .

Whenever I've done volunteer work for the last 20 years, I've had a horrible tendency to get carried away.  I"ve spent WAY too much time on the volunteer work at the expense of quality time with my family.   Now that I'm taking on this new volunteer role starting in January, how will I avoid making the same mistake?  I'm not the only one worried about this.  My wife and kids are worried; I think even the dogs wonder if I'll remember to feed them.

I feel confident that it will be different this time in part because of how I'm setting up my work area at home.  I've set up my desk with two computer monitors and a phone so that I can communicate easily and can have as many files and websites open as I need.  But, more importantly, I have my "Joseph-Joseph" timer shown in the picture above.  Wind it up, work for 30 minutes, and walk away.  No more losing track of time.  When it rings, I stop and go back to my wife and kids.

Being OK with Being OK

This old saying has cost me a ton of stress:  "If a thing is worth doing, it's worth doing well."  This sounds like basic good values, nothing more than having high standards.  But when I have far more commitments than time to get things done, it's a recipe for stress and exhaustion.  Better advice is, "If a thing is worth doing, ask yourself if this is something you are passionate about doing, something that lines up with your skills, interests, and values.  If it does, do it with excellence.  If it doesn't, it's OK to just do an OK job."

As an example, I'm about to take on, in my spare time, a leadership role in a volunteer organization.  The organization has done lots of different kinds of work over the last 50+ years, and the new Board that starts in January will be mostly new people, busy people who are wary about committing to too much volunteer work.

As I've been preparing for the "Kickoff Meeting" in two weeks, I originally defaulted to my usual pattern of thinking we will need to do EVERYTHING with excellence.  But how?  Do we have the skills?  Do the volunteers have the time?  Will we find someone who cares deeply about every committee and every role?  The thought of trying to get the organization to do everything with excellence has been overwhelming and stressful for me.

I finally had a Eureka moment this morning.  During the kickoff, we will discuss everything that MUST be done, all the roles that we MUST play based on our by-laws, all the Committees and Roles without whom we cannot function.  And for each role, Committee, and task, we will define the MINIMUM requirements. What does it take to just be OK at the job?

Then we will explore what we want to excel at based on the skills, interests, and passion of the people we have.  If we have people with great computer skills, we might choose to dramatically improve our website and electronic networking and communication.  If we have people with a passion for enhancing the business district, this might be our "signature strength".  Maybe we'll pick 2 or even 3 priorities, but in other areas we'll  just do whatever we need to get by.

This reminds me of one of the things I read about in the classic business study, Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap . . . and Others Don't, by Jim Collins.  One of the primary differences between the successful and unsuccessful companies is that the great ones put all their energy into practicing whatever they were most passionate about and avoided spending time elsewhere.

Sound Sleep

My last blog post described some of the weird things about sleep that I learned by reading the book Dreamland: Adventures in the Strange Science of Sleep, by David Randall.  But let's get practical.  We all know sleep is good for you in countless ways:  immune function, creativity, emotions, longevity, and so on.  But what can we do to get a good night's sleep, at least according to this book?

• Ban booze before bedtime.  If I'd known the author would slip in this tidbit in the next to last chapter, I wouldn't have read the book!!  Darn it!!  But I read it, and now I can't pretend I didn't.  Apparently, alcohol can make a person fall asleep sooner, but in the latter part of the night, a person tends to wake up frequently until the blood alcohol level returns to zero.  So, even if statistics show that 1-2 drinks a night is associated with a longer life, it's probably best to have the last drink an hour or two before bedtime.
• Ban blue light.  This author is no fun at all!  No booze and no blue light before bed.  In the natural world, as the sun sets and light decreases, our bodies start to release melatonin to make us sleep.  But this doesn't happen if we fool our bodies with bright artificial light, especially the bluer wavelengths of light that come from our televisions, computers, and iPads.  I've started to try to dim lights throughout the house in the evening, and avoid the iPad and the computer in the last hour or two before bed.  This is a tough habit to break because I find these activities so relaxing, but I do want to sleep better, and "Dreamland" suggests that, as far as going to sleep, the negatives of blue light greatly outweigh the benefits of relaxing with my iPad.  My wife and I still watch TV at the end of the night, but I'm shutting off lights everywhere if she's OK with that and I plan to switch the TV settings to a dimmer display.
• Body temperature.  We sleep best when the temperature of the core or our bodies can drop.  A simpler approach is to be careful about pajamas, socks, and blankets.  According to the book, depending on what you choose to wear and to cover yourself with, most people can handle room temperatures ranging from 60 degrees F to 90 degrees F.  Above all, we need to keep the feet and hands cool.  When sleeping, body heat shifts from the body's core to the hands and feet, and we tend to wake up if these extremities get too warm.  So we might sleep better with bare feet.
• Exercise.  We don't need to exercise until we collapse from exhaustion, but exercise helps immensely.  (Finally!  The author has some good news).
• Familiar firmness. Will I sleep better on a hard mattress?  A soft mattress?  Something in between? Apparently the clear winner is to sleep on a surface that has the SAME firmness that we're used to, regardless of whether that is hard or soft.  There is no firmness that is "naturally" better for people.
• Letting go.  It's time for bed.  It helps to give yourself permission to solve problems and issues later, to say that "now is not the time".  The mind can otherwise be free to jump from topic to topic because trying to control thought just leads to insomnia.  The only control worth applying at this time is to say "now is not the time" to fix things at work or at home, to solve problems, to change anything.  With this letting go of "doing", sleep will come.

Weird Things About Sleep

I just finished reading Dreamland: Adventures in the Strange Science of Sleep, by David Randall.  Here are some of the weirdest things I learned:

• First Sleep, Second Sleep.  Before Thomas Edison and his bright, cheap, artificial light, people tended to go to sleep early, at dusk, then wake up for a couple of hours, then go back to sleep until dawn.  The length of time from dusk to dawn was just too long to sleep in just one uninterrupted block of time as we are accustomed to doing today.  References to "first sleep", "second sleep" and the time between the two sleeps were found across centuries and geographies.  In more recent sleep research, subjects who were kept away from artificial light at night consistently start to develop a similar first sleep, second sleep pattern.
• Death from insomnia.  There is a rare disease that strikes some people in their 40's that gradually takes away all ability to sleep.  The disease is always fatal.
• Separate beds.  If quality of sleep was all that mattered to them, most all couples would sleep apart. The ideal would be to be together for romance and then, like couples in the 1950's, go off to separate beds.  
• Bad and ordinary dreams.  Calvin Hall at Case Western Reserve University collected over 50,000 dream reports from people of all ages and nationalities for over 30 years and sorted these reports into categories.  Bottom line:  most dreams are pretty much like ordinary reality--they don't defy physics.  Also, they are usually at least somewhat unpleasant.  Some researchers think this is because your mind is trying to work through some kind of problem.  A different book I read once suggests that your mind works through issues when you are dreaming because you are more likely to be using both sides of your brain (the logical side and the intuitive side) when you are dreaming because the Rapid Eye Movements from right to left and back that occur when dreaming engags both sides of the brain.  You might, then move toward solutions or perspectives when you are dreaming that would escape you when you are wide awake and dominated by logic.
• Problem solving and sleep.   It may or may not be due to dreams, but a variety of experiments show that people working on a problem will make huge gains in their effort after sleeping, as if they were continuing to make progress on the problems while they slept. 
• Pugs and people.  The only animals that get Sleep Apnea are pugs and people.  Dogs with pushed in faces--pugs, bulldogs, etc.--have their tongues deeper into their throats than other dogs or any other animals except human beings.  Human tongues are this way because it is part of the arrangement needed to enable speech.
• Bet on the West.  When teams from the West Coast play teams from the East Coast, the West Coast usually wins.  This is true for most professional teams in the United States.  Why?  Our bodies are the most awake from 9am-2pm and from 6pm-10pm.  To get television viewers, most sporting events will take place between 1pm-7pm or 9pm-11:30pm Eastern Standard Time.  The body clocks of the athletes from the East will tend to be "off peak" for most of the game.  But the Western athletes will be playing with their body clocks somewhere in the range of 10am-4pm and 6-8:30pm.  Mostly peak time.
• Teenagers, Baby Boomers, and the Elderly on Guard.  These three age groups tend to sleep at different times of the night, and it may be so that somebody is always on guard.  The elderly go to sleep early, then middle aged adults, and last to go to sleep are the teenagers.  By the time the teenagers are asleep, the elderly are starting to stir, then the younger adults, and finally the teenagers wake up.  Some speculate that this pattern developed as a way to protect human groups sleeping together in the wild because someone was always awake, or at least sleeping very lightly, all night long to alert the others if a Saber Toothed Tiger approached.

The Energy I Bring

I had a few frustrating experiences over the last few days, and I got cranky and moody.  Kind of a downer for the family.  I'm back to feeling upbeat now, but I had to remind myself of something I read in the book My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey, by Jill Bolte Taylor.  Taylor says that "you need to be responsible for the energy you bring into the room."  My responsibilities don't stop with the things I'm supposed to DO.  I'm also responsible for how I contribute to the mood of the house, or the office.

I'm not saying I should stifle negative emotions.  Everyone knows that denying emotion does more harm than good.  But I still need to be mindful of whether my energy is bringing people up or down, and work to keep my impact positive most of the time.

Black and White Goals

When you want change for an organization or for your self, it can help to set "B&W" goals.  These are goals that leave no room for interpretation, no room for "this will be good enough".  Instead of goals such as, "I'll exercise more", the goal should be "I'll walk at least 10,000 steps per day as measured by my iPhone or my electronic pedometer which (DARN IT!) synchs to a website so that my results are automatically documented."  This yet another of the many lessons I've gained from the fantastic book, Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard, by Chip and Dan Heath.

In the case of organizational change, such as the large project I've been alluding to in my last few blog postings, I need to carefully set "B&W" goals because some people have been pushing the project to skip some of the steps that all the experts know are VITAL to succeed.  We can't get to the endpoint and skip these steps any easier than a farmer can reap a harvest without first planting seeds.  So I need to portray these intermediate steps as black and white goals.  I need to say that, "This is the process to get to the endpoint, the ONLY process that gets to the endpoint.  No steps can be skipped or the process is guaranteed to fail and here is why."  If I'm clear and consistent that there is no other way, and can teach those who are pushing hardest why this is the way things are, and if I make the steps absolutely black and white, I might be better able to eliminate any "wiggle room" about how we will approach the work.

Focus on the Winners

Another thing I learned from the book Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard, by Chip and Dan Heath, is that, when you want to make big changes in a large organization and do this when you are NOT the boss, then it helps to focus on whoever is winning.  Who is getting the best results?  What are they doing differently?  I might not be an expert and I might not have any authority to dictate anything.  But if I can identify the people who are getting the best results, and I can figure out how they are doing this, I gain knowledge that can transform the rest of the organization.

The authors tell a powerful story to illustrate their point.  In 1990, Jerry Sternin was working for Save the Children and was sent to Vietnam to improve childhood nutrition in poor rural villages.  The Vietnamese government told him they were not thrilled to have him there and gave him six months to "make a difference", but offered no support.  He had almost no money or staff.  It was a classic case of trying to make a huge impact on a large number of people with no authority, staffing, or resources.

So what did Sternin do?  He focused on the winners.  Which families in these poor villages managed to have healthy, well-nourished children?  He collected data on children's weight and size and other indications of nutritional health to identify those families that were somehow keeping their kids healthy despite having the same burdens of poverty and sanitation that the other villagers faced.  What were they doing differently?

Eventually, working with the mothers in these families, he discovered subtle differences in the foods they gave their children.  These were foods available to all the families living in these conditions and doing this type of farming.  But the families of the healthier children had them eat things like sweet potato greens and shrimp and crabs from rice paddies.  These foods were available to all the families at this level of income, but only the families with healthy children were eating them.

Sternin was not a nutritional expert, he had no government support, he had little money or staff, but his discovery of what was DIFFERENT about the successful families caused nutrition to measurably improve in 65% of the families at the first Vietnamese village he worked with.  Eventually, the program delivered measurable gains in nutritional health for 2.2 million Vietnamese people in 265 villages.  Not because Sternin was an expert or could tell people what to do.  Only because he recognized, championed, and reapplied the best practices that other people were already doing.

In the case of my recent projects, the stakes are nothing compared to what Sternin was dealing with.  I'm just dealing with some ordinary business needs at a company.  But I found my "winners" in a part of the business that I know little about, an area where I have no authority or track record.  But I'm finding that the more I focus on understanding what these "winners" are doing and telling others why their methods seem to be working, the more I'm able to influence large numbers of people to be open to change.

Time to Strategize

In my last blog post, I talked about a breakthrough in kicking off a new project.  Thanks to that pivotal two day kickoff meeting, people started to value what the project might do for them.  They started to understand the point of view of people in other functions and work locations.  Relationships and trust were strengthened.  Everyone, at least to some degree, seemed to be coming together on a vision and on many specific goals.

But we can't just feel warm and fuzzy because we have new feelings of collaboration and alignment and because we sort of know where we want to go.  Yes, that feels good.  But who will do what and when?  How will we review action plans, review results, and adjust the plans?  How will we measure success?  How will we report results to our sponsors?  How will we ask for help when we run into barriers?  This week, the chess game begins.

Getting started at last

Last week, I had the breakthrough I was waiting for since I started using the techniques of the book Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard, by Chip and Dan Heath.  A few weeks ago, I described this books model for change in an organization.  Picture everyone in the organization as a person riding an elephant.  The "rider" is the logical mind.  The "elephant" is that person's emotions.  Change involves appealing to the rider, motivating the elephant, and clearing the path.  Here are key points from the book in each area and some of the ways this applied to my recent project:

1. Direct the rider.  The book suggest that you "follow the bright spots".  Focus on reapplying what is working well.  I was able to do this on my project because one factory had the best results.  I kept investigating and found that there were some things they did uniquely well and that these things could be reapplied.  The book also suggest you "script the critical moves", that you clarify specific behaviors and explain the destination.  I was able to focus on a simple theme of better communication from the factories to the central organization and how this would help the central group reduce overtime and would help the factories ensure they got their needs met.
2. Motivate the elephant.  The book suggests you "find the feeling".  Appeal to emotions strategically.  I was able to appeal to the desire of the plants to get what they want the first time from the central group.  I got the central group excited about the idea of clearer communication from the plants leading to fewer complaints and less frustrating rework.  The book also suggest "shrinking the change".  Get started small to create momentum.  For this, I focused more on those sites that wanted to test the new ideas and less on trying to persuade everybody at once to come on board.
3. Clear the path.  The book suggests "tweaking the environment" to make the change easier.  To do this, I helped clarify and document those ideas that we hope will spread from the most successful factory to the other plant sites.  Finally, the book suggests "rallying the herd", getting some sites to take the lead and inspire others to join.  Here, the focus on those sites who were most eager to learn has helped others decide to join in.

At this point, we have a project.  We have momentum and I expect big changes despite my lack of authority over anybody involved.  I feel I owe a lot of what has happened to Chip and Dan Heath's terrific book.

Addicted to an App

I'm hooked on the "30/30" iPhone app.  I add a task, set the total time I want to spend on it, and click play to start the timer.  I can tap to add or subtract a little more time as I go.  Gives me confidence that I'm not going to lose track of time.  My iPhone, sitting next to my computer, holds me accountable.  Great tool when I'm really overloaded.

Keeping Track of Time

I'm terrible at keeping track of time.  I want to have a nice mix of projects at work and home, but I'll get so caught up in something that I run out of time for my other priorities.  I've been experimenting with different mechanical and electronic gadgets to deal with this.  Here are some of the things that have been helping:

• Free software:  "TimeLeft".   This free software puts a semi-transparent timer on my computer screen.  I like the fact that I don't even need to look away from my Excel sheet or my e-mail to see the time clicking away.  This is really nice because when I'm REALLY caught up in something, I might not look at a stopwatch that is just 2 inches from my computer.

• Mechanical timer "Joseph-Joseph".  I like the way this timer gives me visual feedback of how much time is left.  I use it at home, but it makes too much noise when it rings to use it in my cubicle at work.  I got an extra one on sale and tried to take it apart to disable the ringing mechanism, but this mechanical engineer met his match.  All kinds of little parts fell out and I couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

• iPhone apps
• I think I like these the best.  My favorite so far is "30/30".  Like the "Joseph-Joseph" timer, it gives me visual feedback of how much of the "pie" has been consumed.  Unlike Joseph-Joseph, I can keep the thing from ringing loudly and annoying all my neighbors

From I to We to I

It often happens to mothers.  Many days, they feel that all they've done all day is take care of the family.  They never got a chance to indulge in their own priorities.

It can happen to fathers, too.  When I get home from work and when I'm home on the weekends, I'll often feel that I need to focus on what the FAMILY needs, focus on what WE need, not what I need.  And this is probably the right thing to do.  I want to be a devoted father, not one who spends most of his free time indulging his interests and ignoring his family.  But I'm finding, lately, a need to consciously shift back and forth from a focus on WE--the family--to I--the things I'm interested in that nobody else necessarily cares about.

In most of my free time, I'll focus on WE.  What do we all agree we need to get done?  What fun do we want to have as a couple or a family?  Then, having satisfied many of the family's needs, I'll consciously shift to a mode where I'm not focused on what the rest of the family wants.  I do the chores and projects nobody else thinks matters.  I blog.  I'll go to a performance of jazz or of classical music.  I'll go on a hike.  The rest of my family isn't interested in these things, but that doesn't matter.  As long as most of my free time is devoted to family, I can feel good about the support I'm providing and still find time to indulge in the things that only matter to me.

Trust the Elephant

Last night I tossed and turned for a couple of hours, thinking about the big conference call that would be coming at 11 am.  During this conference call, I was going to encourage that we reapply the methods of a factory that, in one aspect of the business, was greatly outperforming all the rest.  Seems logical, but, unfortunately, the other plants naturally conclude that I'm perceiving them as as second best or worse.  At 3am, 4am, and again at 5am, I wondered whether the big conference call was going to be filled with arguments and defensiveness.

But I started to tell myself to "trust the elephant".  Trust the model that I had been reading about in the book Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard by Dan and Chip Heath.  Trust that I can persuade people to change if I direct the rider of the elephant (in simple terms, what do I propose we do?), motivate the elephant (connect to emotions by painting a picture of how this can make their lives better), and clear the path (help make the change as easy as possible).  I decided to let this model guide everything I said during the phone call.  I fell asleep after I decided to "trust the elephant".  Later, when I had the phone call, the plan worked.  No insurmountable arguments, everyone aligned to the next steps, and we got through a one hour call with 10 minutes to spare.

When Change is Hard

I recently read and started to apply on a huge project the methods of the book Switch-How to Change Things When Change is Hard, by Chip Heath and Dan Heath.  This is by far the most "go out there and use it immediately" book I've ever read about making big, scary changes in an organization even when you don't have much authority or resources at your disposal.  This book's core technique is making things happen for me on my new project faster than I ever would have dared to dream possible.

The authors present a simple model for change that they borrowed from Jonathan Haidt's book The Happiness Hypothesis:  a rider, an elephant, and a path.  When change happens, a rider first decides where he wants to go.  Then he motivates the elephant to move.  And the change will happen fastest if the path has been cleared.

Chip and Dan Heath give powerful examples of people who persuaded companies, governments, and societies to make profound changes using these three steps:

1. Script the rider.  The "rider" is the rational brain.  Provide a clear, concise description of the behavior that is needed to get the result.  Tell the "rider" where to go.
2. Motivate the elephant.  The "elephant" is emotion.  Emotion makes things happen.  Emotion gets things done.  The "rider" is too analytical, too indecisive, too puny to act in powerful ways.  It is only when people feel strong positive or negative emotions that they will overcome huge barriers to change.
3. Clear the path.  Make the change you want easy.  Instructions, training, technical support--anything that you can do to keep the rider and the elephant from changing their minds.

The model is so easy to remember that I find myself at meetings almost daily thinking, 

• "What is the single most important thing I'm asking this person to do? (Script the rider)
• "How can I help them visualize how much this change will make their lives better? Or how much failure to make the change will cause issues?"  (Motivate the elephant)
• "How can I make this as easy as possible for them to do?  Can I write a program that does most of the calculations for them?  Do I need to give more training or write more instructions?"  (Clear the path)

In my new project, I'm working with parts of the business I know almost nothing about, with different departments that sometimes don't get along with each other, and yet I'm making fast progress getting people aligned because I have a vision in which every department wins and I'm taking the time to help each department see what is in it for them.

Are 10,000 steps enough?

A "Fit-Bit"--my hi-tech pedometer--has a base goal for total number of steps per day:  10,000 steps.  I can change this goal anytime I want.  But is 10,000 steps enough?

It depends.  According to The First 20 Minutes, by Gretchen Reynolds, 10,000 steps is enough exercise if all I'm trying to do is to live longer.  Couch potatoes have a much greater chance of dying young than active people.  As you become more active, your chance of living longer keeps increasing.  But most of the gains are achieved once you reach about 20 minutes a day of moderate activity such as walking 4 miles per hour.  You need to exercise more minutes if you exercise more lightly, and fewer if you exercise intensely.  But, overall, you can be pretty sure to have more than enough if you walk 10,000 steps.

Further, it apparently doesn't matter much how you accumulate the steps through the course of the day.  Bringing the laundry up from the basement, climbing stairs to your office, walking to a meeting--it all counts.  So having a pedometer is a great way to see whether your approaching or exceeding this goal.

But what if you want to do more than just outlive a couch potato?  What if you want to lose weight?  Get stronger?  Build your agility and endurance?  If you also want to do these things, 10,000 steps will NOT be enough.  You'll need intense cardiovascular exercise and resistance training.  If you want to be more flexible, you'll need to stretch or do yoga.  But the 10,000 steps is still a good starting point, a base level of activity that is likely to lead to a longer life.  I can take these steps and then add weights, yoga, or cardio.

Fit-Bit

In the last few weeks, my wife and I bought and started using "Fit-Bits".  This is a new device from the website fitbit.com that automatically tracks the steps you've walked in a day, the miles, the number of flights of stairs (you get credit for hills), how many hours and minutes you slept, how many times you woke up in the middle of the night and when.  There are default daily goals such as 10,000 steps and 15 flights of stairs, but you can update these if they get too easy.  When you just get NEAR your computer, the "FitBit" transmits your latest accomplishments to the website so that you can see charts of your results for the day, the week, or any other time period you like.  For things that are NOT automatically detected by the device, such as your blood pressure, your weight, or what you eat, you can manually log these in so that you have a "one-stop shop" to track your healthy habits and their results.

FitBit sends me e-mails when I reach milestones such as 15,000 steps or 25 flights of stairs.  "Great job, Ben!"  These e-mails have no real value, but--for no good reason--they feel good.

As evening approaches and I'm only at 8,566 steps, I find myself searching for something to push me over the top.  A couple of games of ping-pong?  Run around the house putting things away, praying that something I see downstairs really belongs upstairs so that I'm forced to climb some stairs?  Sometimes I'll even jog in place without shame just to cross over the 10,000 step barrier.

In their book, Switch: How to Change when Change is Hard, authors Chip and Dan Heath refer to a study of hotel maids.  One group of maids was given a lecture on the importance of exercise.  The second group was given a similar lecture with a twist:  they were told that a study had shown that their CURRENT routines, as hotel maids, going from room to room, cleaning and making beds at a fast pace, gave them a very high level of exercise.  They were told that they already were exceeding the exercise recommendations of most medical experts.  In the study, each maid stepped on a scale and had their weight recorded.  Months later, the maids were weighed again.  Those who were told that they ALREADY were exercising a lot just by doing their jobs lost significantly more weight than the other group.  The study concluded that it was likely that they started valuing the impact of their movement at work on their health and were motivated to move more and move more briskly.  I think the FitBit has a similar motivating effect.  It helps me place a lot more value on walking the floors of the building, on doing chores in the house, on taking the stairs to my office instead of the elevator.

For the Spirit

I think I need to establish more spiritual habits.  The one thing I do consistently that makes a huge difference is to meditate every day.  This is my time to let go of goals and plans, shift to the right side of my brain, and passively observe my mind and body.  It means as much to me as sleep.

What I want to start doing more often:  spiritual rituals.  My family went to a friend's Bar Mitzvah last month.  I'm a Buddhist, but I was incredibly impressed with the prayers and readings in the traditional Jewish prayer book, the "Siddur", that was used in the service.  I kept skipping from page to page, appreciating the prayers asking for virtue and wisdom and the prayers of appreciation.  These weren't selfish prayers.  They did not ask for handouts.  They were prayers of intention.  "Today, help me find wisdom, gratitude, and compassion."  

I was impressed with the structure of these prayers:  certain prayers on the Sabbath and others during the week.  It made me feel great respect for religious ritual.  I think I've tended to be a Buddhist "snob".  I've focused on the ideas about self and reality and the use of meditation to see things as they are without words. I've focused on the philosophy of Buddhism, the concepts.  The intellectual side.  And I've dismissed the rituals.  But our 13 year old friend's Bar Mitzvah gave me new respect for religious rituals--for habits such as saying grace at every meal.  I need more of these habits to grow spiritually every day.

Shabbat Shalom.

For the Body

What are my healthiest habits, the ones that have nurtured the body (or at least the face) that you see above? 
Plenty of people have much better fitness habits than I do.  They go to the gym every day.  They only eat organic free range vegetables.  They have one drink per year--a glass of champagne on the 31st of December--to welcome another year of effortless discipline.

I hate these people.  But, seriously, I think there is nothing wrong with coming up with habits that fits my priorities and schedule. Here is what is working for me:

(1) Get a guilt partner 
My wife is my guilt partner.  On any given day--hopefully--one of us will feel like exercising and will taunt the other mercilessly until they agree to join in.  We might still look at each later and say, "Are we sure we want to do this?"  But without guilt, we wouldn't even get as far as this conversation.

(2) Tele-fitness
I've decided that I need to do SOME kind of exercise each day, even if it's just a one mile walk.
New rule:  if I decide to watch a TV show at night and I haven't exercised at all that day, I have to work out while watching my show.  No excuses.  If I have time to watch the show, then I have time to exercise during the show.  If I worked on the upper body yesterday, I can do the lower body today.  Or yoga.  Or ab work.  No excuses.

(4) Low carb diet, but without high animal fat
No potatoes, no pasta, no rice, no desert, no junk food.
Everything else is OK, but I don't overdo the cheese, red meat, and eggs.  


I started eating this way right after New Years Day this year.  I've maintained an 11-14 pound weight loss ever since.  I look nothing like the picture at the start of this blog posting, but at least my Body Mass Index now stays inside the "Normal" range.

For Friends and Family

What are some of the key habits that have been helping me socially?  Habits that improve interactions with friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances, and strangers?

According to The Power of Full Engagement, by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz, we can increase our engagement in life by deliberately creating good habits in four areas of our lives:

1. Social
2. Physical
3. Spiritual
4. Mental

Here are three SOCIAL habits that have been a big part of my life lately.

(1) Phone Home  Call home from work at least once per day to see how my wife is doing.  John Gottman is the world's top researcher on marriage and divorce.  He has shown that after watching a couple argue for just a few minutes on video, he can predict with over 90% confidence whether they will divorce in 10 years.  In his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, he says that the simple habit of checking frequently with your spouse to see what he or she is doing is one of the seven top predictors of a successful marriage.  

(Photo by "Jack O'Lantern" photo by Gone-Walkabout)

(2) When the momma's in the kitchen . . .    Too often in the past, I've viewed my job at home as projects, yard work, and repairing things.  My only role in the kitchen was to clean up after the meal.  There's been a lot more harmony since I started to tell myself, "When the momma's in the kitchen, I'm in the kitchen".  I'm not a cook, but there is so much to do getting ready for a meal that if I'm available feeding the dogs, taking out garbage, cleaning up as cooking progresses, maybe even chopping a few vegetables, whisking, or watching the stove, it makes me realize that dinner doesn't appear by magic and Chris feels more appreciated and supported.


(3) Wander through the hallways . . .    I wrote about this new habit in more detail recently in my post, "Same itch, different scratch"  Whenever I start to lose energy at work, I take a walk around the offices on the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th floors of our office building.  I keep my eyes open for people that I want to talk to who and don't look too busy.  (I wonder how many pick up the phone when they see me coming!)  Sometimes, it's just a chance to catch up with someone I like who I've haven't seen much of lately.  Other times, there is someone who needs my help or who I need to ask for some help or advice.  These walks have helped me break my focus on my own problems and situations, have helped me connect to more people and have more fun, and I'm amazed how much work gets done during these "breaks".

Bribing Myself

Often, what I should be doing is the last thing that I want to do.  Maybe it's just making a phone call.  I know it will be quick and easy, yet I can't bring myself to do it, and I can't even say why.

At times like this, I think I need a bribe.  I need to find a way to reward myself for doing the task.  This is one of the ideas I learned from The Power of Habit, by Charles Duhigg.  Sometimes I just need to figure out "my currency", what can I give myself in exchange for exercising, for getting through a pile of mail at home, or working in the yard?  What privilege?  What treat?

Same itch, different scratch

How to replace a bad habit with a better habit?  One of the things I learned from the book "The Power of Habit", by Charles Duhigg, is that every habit starts with a cue or a trigger.  Something happens first, and then you respond with the habit.  For example, a dog feels and itch and then responds with a scratch.



Duhigg says that you often can't easily avoid the itch.  The trigger is going to happen, perhaps every day of your life.  What do you do if you tend to respond to that itch with a bad habit?  What can you do about it?  Just decide to stop and then use your willpower every day?


Duhigg recommends that you accept the fact that the itch is going to come, and find a new, healthier way to scratch it.  He sites research showing that people usually can't just stop the behavior with willpower alone.  It is much more effective to recognize the trigger and find a better way to respond to it.  The new habit has to address the itch.  It has to be rewarding, or it may not stick.  But if you can find a rewarding response and can remember to do it often enough to form a strong habit, you won't need willpower to change your ways.


A perfect example in my life happens Monday through Friday at about 10 am.  I'm at work.  I've been pushing myself intensely at work for two hours.  My concentration starts to fade.  I just can't maintain that kind of intensity all morning.  This is my itch.  My old, bad habit was to go to the break room to get yet another tall cup of coffee.  I don't really NEED the coffee.  By this time, I've had plenty of coffee.  If I have another cup, I'll just get jittery.  A short burst of energy is likely to be followed by an even bigger slump, and it's probably not good for my blood pressure.



With Duhigg's book in mind, I decided to accept my itch.  I accepted that I'll always have a mid-morning loss of energy and focus.  And I thought of a better way to respond.  For the last few weeks, I've left my desk and walked around several floors in the office building, stopping to talk to people whenever it feels right.  I've found this rewarding on many levels.  I catch up socially with people I would not otherwise see.  Sometimes I run into people that I need to talk to about work and end up resolving issues quickly.  Other times people ask me for advice, and it feels good to help them.  And even mild exercise like this provides more lasting energy than a cup of coffee.  So the itch gets scratched--I gain energy--and the new habit requires no willpower because I find it rewarding socially, spiritually, and for getting things done at work.

The Robot, the Rat, and the Artist

In my last couple of blogs, I've written about the pervasiveness of habit in my life.  I've written about the need to accept this pervasiveness, to accept my "inner robot" making decisions automatically throughout the day because I always do THIS when THAT happens.  From the moment the alarm clock rings until I go to bed, more decisions than I care to admit are made by my "inner robot".  My "auto-pilot", to a large degree, flies the airplane.

And my habits get their power, their ability to dictate my actions with or without my conscious agreement, from my "inner lab rat", my tendency to behave in whatever way I find most rewarding, my tendency to do whatever I need to do to get my "cheese".

So where does this leave my "inner artist", the being that creates my experience and my accomplishments?  Is it possible for life to be filled with both unconscious habit and conscious creativity?  Can I be a robot, a lab rat, and a human?

I think so.  I think that habits create a framework within which I can be as skillful and spontaneous as I want to be.  Habits get me out of bed.  They feed me, exercise me, give me perspective through meditation, get me to work, and get me to check my e-mails and review my To-Do List.  If they are healthy habits, I end up relaxed, well fed, physically fit, and clear about my priorities and plans when I face each challenge that arises in my day.  And it is when these challenges arise that my inner robot and inner rat step back and allow my inner artist to take over.

Embrace my Inner Lab Rat

I mentioned in my last blog, that I feel cultural pressure to deny my "Inner Robot", to deny the idea that most of the choices I make each day are automatic responses to my alarm clock, to hunger, to arriving at work, to my mid-morning lull, to more hunger at lunch, to my mid-afternoon lull, to everything that happens from after leaving work.

I also feel pressure to deny my "Inner Lab Rat".  I feel pressured to deny the fact that I respond to "cheese". I respond to rewards.  I'd love to think that I'm motivated to do something if it is "the right thing to do".  I wish I was always motivated by logic, that I picked all my actions based on reason and willpower.  But the reality probably is that I do most of what I do because in one way or another I find it rewarding.

The idea that what we choose to do is based mainly on rewards and punishments is the basic premise of "Behaviorism", a theory of psychology developed by B.F. Skinner in the 1930's.  I read several of his books in the 1970's and 1980's when Behaviorism was still in vogue.  According to a recent article by David Freeman in Atlantic magazine, "Behaviorism" fell out of favor for a while because of discomfort with the idea that our choices are based so deeply on rewards versus reason and willpower.  But behaviorism, says Freeman, is now coming back because its principles are the best explanation for the most successful programs aimed at changing behaviors such as Weight Watchers, Alcoholics Anonymous, and certain exercise programs.  Here's a link to Freeman's article:  The Perfected Self.

So, if I accept my "Inner Lab Rat", if I accept that I behave based on rewards more than I do based on willpower and logic, what should I do?  If I want to make a certain choice more often, I guess I'd better figure out how to make it rewarding.  If I want to use the treadmill more, then watch an action movie on DVD or Netflix.  If I want to get through paperwork at home (something I hate doing), then listen to music while doing it.  If I can't make the task inherently rewarding, treat myself afterwards.  Don't just say, "From now on, I'm going to ______ more often" and expect willpower and memory to take it from there.  Figure out how to make the experience so enjoyable that I can reward my "Inner Lab Rat" with some "cheese".  

Embrace my Inner Robot

I recently read The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg.  The book is about research into how people develop habits, how they change them, and how big a role they play in the choices we make from moment to moment.  The book persuaded me that many--if not most--of my choices are driven by habit.  They are automatic responses to recurring triggers.  I respond to the triggers with little thought, like a robot behaving as he was programmed.  But this doesn't have to be bad.  I can embrace my inner robot, as long as I'm aware of my habits and, over time, replace bad habits with good ones.

Duhigg describes research on laboratory rats.  When they are first learning to get through a maze, they expend tremendous mental energy.  When they have repeated the maze so often that they move through it out of habit, their mental activity relaxes greatly.  Their actions become effortless.  This is what I can value about my "inner robot".  Habits allow me to do routine things effortlessly so that I conserve my mental energy for the really challenging, creative tasks.  Also, good physical, social, spiritual, and mental habits can make me happier and healthier.

I feel cultural pressure to deny my "inner robot".  It feels to me that our culture idealizes a life in which we make conscious, thoughtful decisions about everything we do.  It is as if we should always be behaving deliberately and thoughtfully.  Duhigg's book makes a strong case that humans are NOT designed to put a lot of thought into every decision.  We don't need to think about what we will do when the alarm clock rings, when we drive our cars, when we first arrive in the office, when we get ready to leave for the day, etc.

I'm convinced that it's better accept my "inner robot".  Accept the fact that many or most of my decisions will be based on habits--automatic responses to triggers.  Don't expect to change that; to suddenly find ways to make all of my behavior deliberate and willful.  Instead, analyze the habits I have and find ways to improve them.

Layers of Meditation

I love the SleepStream 2 iPhone app.  It's so easy to add layer after layer to the meditation experience:

• The first layer:  a binaural beat.  I talked about binaural beats in my last blog post:  Brainwaves "beat" at a higher frequency when stressed, lower when meditating, lower still when relaxed, and even lower approaching sleep.  Listen to a meditative binaural beat with headphones and your brainwaves measurably change to match the beat.  Meditation becomes easier.
• The second level:  sound effects.  SleepStream offers multiple categories of high definition recordings of waves, wind, fireplaces, rain, forests, white noise, and--one of my favorites--"dry drones", which are space-age electronic sounds.
• The third level:  overlays.  Meditative music such as piano or soft electronic/spacey music or spoken guided meditations.  Huge number of options available for free and more for low-cost download
• The fourth level:   visualizer.  The iPad can cycle through gorgeous photos of Autumn, Spring, Summer, Winter or places like Norway or video of waves crashing on the shore under a huge moon.

I don't always use the visualizer because the other three levels are usually enough to provide a rewarding meditation experience.  But there are times that I listen to one of the many "Waves" soundtracks, go to the "Shamanic Meditation" binaural beat (my fave), put on the "Deepspace Ambient" music, and watch the video of "Midnight Waves".  It is easy for me at these times to pretend that I'm on a real beach, listening to crashing waves, breathing in the ocean air and feeling the power of the waves running through me.

Mental Drumbeat

Some of my iPHone meditation apps feature "Binaural Beats".  In theory, if you listen to a "Binaural Beat" with headphones, the sounds can change your state of mind.  Depending on the frequency of the beat, you might relax deeply, feel sleepy, feel alert, or enter a meditative state.

I did some very cursory research into how these "Binaural Beats" are supposed to work.  Here is a link to one of the more interesting articles:  Stanford study of brainwave "entrainment".  Basically, brainwaves--like any waves--occur at regular intervals or frequencies.  These frequencies tend to be very slow for sleepy states, faster for relaxation, faster still for meditation, faster for normal "wide awake" states, and still faster for extreme focus.  A recording with a "Binaural Beat" is designed to match, for example, the rhythm associated with meditation.  When you listen to the recording, your brainwaves start to "dance" to the rhythm you are hearing.  This is called "entrainment".  Your brainwaves switch from an alert, or an even higher frequency stressed drumbeat, to a meditative drumbeat.  Meditation then becomes easier.

Does it work?  I haven't done enough research to claim any expertise.  But it sounds reasonable, I know that brainwaves can be measured, and I've read that the shift in brainwaves to match the "Binaural Beat" has been measured repeatedly since they were first discovered in the 1970's.

My personal experience with "Binaural Beats" has just been in the last few months.  One of my favorite meditation apps for iPhone and iPad is "SleepStream2".  This app gives you high-definition recordings of sounds such as ocean waves, fire, and wind, and lets you choose a variety of "Binaural Beats" to play at the same time.  I THINK it makes a difference for me.  It seems to make it easier for me to go quickly from a hyper, task oriented state of mind to a meditative state of mind.   This morning, I was even able to do something I can't normally do:  meditate while walking the dogs.  Normally, I'm too distracted by sights and sounds, negotiating traffic, keeping the dogs under control, and dealing with other dogs and pedestrians to ever feel as if I was able to achieve any kind of meditative state.  But this morning, listening to the ocean sounds with a meditative "Binaural Beat" in the background, I think it worked.  For the first time ever, I walked the dogs and meditated at the same time.

Experiences out of nowhere

Mindfulness meditation is really about stopping all tasks to notice EVERYTHING that comes up during your practice:  thoughts, emotions, muscle tension, noises, aches, pleasure, and pain.  It's about being passive and watching what experiences arise spontaneously like clouds moving in and out of the sky.

I've practiced this much more often in the last couple of months because I've been too busy NOT to meditate.  It's the only thing that got me through some major deadlines both at work and outside of work co-chairing a large fundraiser for my neighborhood.  Without meditation, my mind would have constantly been bombarded by thoughts of tasks I needed to do, deadlines, unanswered e-mails, and the feeling that I could not possibly get it all done.

Mindfulness meditation gave me at least two breaks per day when I could let it all go and get grounded again in my body, my heart, and my mind.

The major deadlines are done, but this is a habit I intend to keep.  Meditating once per day--my old habit--is not enough.  Once in the morning starts me off on a relaxed tone.  By the early evening, however, the constant drumbeat of task after task after task has usually caused me to lose much of my self-awareness.  Another shot of meditation gets me grounded again for the evening and for a more restful sleep.

Sensations out of nowhere

Bodily sensations also pop out of nowhere when I meditate.  I never knew I had so many little itches and aches until I meditated.  I'm sure they are there all the time, but I only "hear" them in the silence of meditation.

This is part of the practice:  to notice how the senses dart around from my right leg to my forehead to the pressure of my body against the chair to breath moving in my belly to breath in my nostrils.  In Buddha's most famous sutra (teaching) on mindfulness, he said, "Breathing in a long breath, I know that I'm breathing a long breath.  Breathing in a short breath, I know that I'm breathing a short breath."  As if it doesn't matter how you breath.  It just matters that you notice the way it is right now.

I used to think that the goal was to maximize the pleasurable moments--those times when a long deep breath opens the belly, chest and shoulders and then comes out slowly and you feel all the tension melting away.  Those moments are fine, but sometimes I find that they will not come unless I first notice the shallow, constricted breathing when I haven't relaxed yet.  I notice the aches, the tension that, for some reason, often remains in my legs long after I've deeply relaxed my upper body.  When I notice and accept these imperfect sensations, I seem to be able to tune in more deeply to the subtleties of my breathing exactly as it is happening right now.  And then I'm more likely to feel the euphoria that sometimes comes with meditation.

Thoughts out of nowhere

Thoughts pop up out of nowhere when I try to meditate.  I'm trying to focus on my breathing, and I suddenly get an idea about something to do for a project at work.  Part of me wants to stop and write it down so that I won't forget it.  But if I do, other ideas pop up over and over.  Before long I realize that the time I set aside for meditation is over and I'm no more relaxed than when I started.  I didn't reach my goal of shifting, for a while, from my logical left brain, the half of my brain that wants to change things, to the perceptive right brain, the half that accepts reality just as it is.

Fortunately, I've had enough meditation practice that this doesn't happen that often.  I know what I'm supposed to do when thoughts arise:  notice them, don't fight them, but don't let them turn into "conversations".  A thought that is not followed by a series of related thoughts soon fades.  Silence returns.

And there is much to learn from the thoughts that come out of nowhere.  The ones that pop up spontaneously and that keep coming back throughout the meditation:  these show me the things that are REALLY important to me.  Prior to meditating, I might not even have realized how much these things were bugging me.  But noticing how often they break the silence of meditation, noticing the emotion they bring with them, I learn that these are the things that matter most to me right now.

Ironically, it is often when I am NOT DOING anything, when I'm at my most passive state in meditation, that I learn what I must DO.

Meditating Behind the Wheel

Doesn't seem like a good idea, does it?  I feel a need to meditate twice per day.  In the morning, before the whirlwind demands of the day, I need that time when I say, "Just for now, I don't need to do anything."  During this time, I can see the world as it is without trying to control it.  It prepares me to then plunge into my projects without taking my goals so seriously.  And I need this again late in the day when I've been striving to accomplish things for so long that I need to be reminded again that I don't need to change things, don't need to control.

But when to find the time?  I've always wished that, occasionally, I could take advantage of my commute.  Can I meditate while driving?  "Take a deep breath and close your eyes."  Not a good idea, huh?

But mindfulness meditation provides an option.  This is the kind of meditation in which I notice whatever is going on in my mind and body without trying to change things.  The tension in my fingers, wrists, forearms and shoulders as I grip and turn the steering wheel.  I can't do it safely, but I know it would feel better to let my arms drop to the side and relax.  But the point in mindfulness meditation is to notice exactly how things are, to notice for example which muscles are tense and which are loose, without trying to change anything.

I notice my thoughts about what other drivers are doing and how I should react.  I notice thoughts come up about work, but I remind myself not to dwell on them.  Don't have a prolonged internal dialogue.  Two or three sentences at most and then move on.  For those thoughts that keep coming back, I'll look closely at the emotion that fuels their persistence.  Is it anxiety?  A desire to please someone?  Guilt?  Is it just something I enjoy doing?

To help me remember to stay focused, I turned again this morning to my favorite creator of iPhone meditation apps, Meditation Oasis.  Here's a link to their website:   meditationoasis.com.  I wrote about one of their apps recently in this post:  guru-in-my-iphone.  For the drive, I chose their app called "Take a Break".

This app is designed to be used when taking a break at work.  Knowing that you might listen to the app while sitting at your cubicle, the guide doesn't tell you to relax and close your eyes. She just guides you to notice  things without trying to change them.   Your brain shifts from the goal oriented left brain to the experience oriented, carefree, intuitive right brain.  And this morning, the 13 minutes of meditation took me from the parking lot of my hotel to the parking lot at work.

Guru on a Leash

My dogs can also be my gurus.  When I meditate, I want to give my left brain a break.  I want, for 15 minutes a day, twice a day, to stop looking back at the past or forward to the future.  I want to, instead, let my right brain take over.  I want to let this part of my brain take control of me--this part of my brain that simply observes, that has no goals, that just tunes into to the whatever is happening in my mind, my body, my emotions, my surroundings.

My dogs can help me let go of my goals.  Their minds are free of language so that all they can do is focus on the sun on their bodies, the smells and sounds around them, the touch of their owner.  They only know the present moment.  This makes them like a person who has shifted his or her awareness to the non-verbal, present-centered, carefree right brain.

When my dogs are with me during meditation, I find it easier to follow their lead and just notice whatever is happening inside and outside of my body.  They are my meditation partners, and at times I feel that they can sense the difference in my energy when I'm meditating and want to hang out with me at these times.  They seem to understand what I'm doing, or, perhaps more accurately, they recognize that I'm FINALLY understanding what they've been doing all along.