If it works for the parents . . .

In a recent blog post, on my wedding anniversary, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert by John Gottman.  I talked about how--at least in my opinion--Chris and I were pretty good at applying 5 of the 7 principles and how this has helped us stay very close for 17 years.  But do these principles also apply to bonding between parent and child?  And, if so, how am I doing?

I think they do apply, at least somewhat, and I think I can do a much better job with many of them than I do now.  As a parent, I have to set expectations, teach, discipline, make sure they keep up with school, encourage them to develop good habits, and so on that I can forget to or run out of time to do some of the things that make it fun to be together.  Especially when kids are teenagers and they start to rebel and seek independence.  But it seems that at least a few of the principles from the book would apply to parent-child relationships almost as well as they apply to husband-wife.  The following description of 5 of the 7 principles came from my other blog posts.  Hardly any words would need to change to apply this to a parent-child relationship.  I hope to start forming habits that enable me to apply these principles with the kids:

1. Having a "map" of what is going on in the life of the other:  daily and long term goals, activities, needs, and feelings.  Calling frequently to find out how their day is going.  Asking what they intend to do later. Coming home and asking about their day.  And having a deep understanding of what they want and need in life.
2. Helping each other with goals and tasks.  (This can be a natural outcome of #1).
3. Expressing appreciation and fondness daily.
4. Letting your partner influence you:  your actions, your behaviors, your goals.
5. Creating shared meaning:  volunteering together or helping each other with higher goal