Horror Stories

The FDA estimates that over 200,000 people will quit smoking as a result of new labels that will be placed on packages of cigarettes beginning this fall.  I'll bet they are right.  The new labels show graphic, emotional images.  The one shown above is the LEAST graphic.  The images are bound to trigger emotions, and that is exactly how you can persuade people to change according to the business studies I've been reading such as The Heart of Change: Real-Life Stories of How People Change Their Organizations, Leading Change, and Stomp the Elephant in the Office: Put an End to the Toxic Workplace, Get More Done -- and Be Excited About Work Again.

I'm trying to do this with my main project at work.  It's a new information system that makes sure equipment is run at technically correct settings to.  I'm sure the settings will be often be WRONG and inconsistent from line to line if my system is not used.  For years I've explained this logically.  I think my logic has been sound.  And who have I convinced?  A few friends, people who have done projects with me, and readers of my blog!

I need images of lung cancer, pictures of patients on respirators.  Take the advice of the  Food and Drug Administration.  Show people how bad things can be if they don't change.

For the last few weeks, I've stopped using logic.  I'm starting to show people examples of how poorly our equipment is current set-up.  How inconsistently.  How our newest, shiniest, most expensive production lines have no clear records of how the equipment is supposed to be set up and run.  Show them the same things that got me wound up.  Forget logic.  Show them the consequences of the status quo.  I can already see a shift in how people are reacting.  I see their shock and their recognition that we need a change.

Breakthrough

For the last week, I've struggled to document a detailed work plan for next year.  I think I've figured out why this is so hard for me. 

It feels good to make huge commitments.  It feels good to say, "yes", whenever my leadership or my customers ask for something.  Makes me feel like celebrating.  The reason I don't like to write detailed plans is that these plans show me whenever I have over-committed.  Stop celebrating, because you can't deliver this in the timing you're thinking of and with the resources you have.  "The party's over, folks!  Everyone go home!"

I felt that way many times during the last week as I laid out my plans.  The planning process forced me to admit, over and over again, that my goals were too ambitious.  I had to narrow the scope of many goals.  Focus on fewer critical things so that the new goals are realistic enough to survive the scrutiny of the planning process.

I finally have a plan created in Microsoft Project that I'm ready to propose to my boss on Monday.  It was a struggle to put together, but I'm happy with the result.  I think I've made the right compromises.  I let go of many things but kept the most important and finally ended up with something that feels right.  It feels like the right balance.  It feels like a stretching commitment to deliver some very important results, and yet it feels doable.

The Gory Details

I'm working through my work plans and commitments for the next fiscal year (July 2011- June 2012).  I've often made the commitments others asked for without clarifying everything needed to complete the job.  I'd know how to get started and have a "feeling" for the rest, but I wouldn't lay out the all the details.  I wouldn't estimate the total effort or put it in a schedule.  Then I'd find myself feeling like I'm doing great work, but I'm not meeting the goal on time.

This year, I'm trying to face the reality of what it takes to finish my goals.  As I lay out all the tasks, I'm feeling overwhelmed.  It seems impossible to get all this done in time.  

Maybe it seems impossible because it is impossible, at least with the limited resources available.  This is a good time to listen to my discomfort.  I feel that I need to narrow my goals to the most important things that I can do well and finish on time.  If these goals are narrower than my leadership initially hoped for, I need to help them see the work that is needed so that they'll either provide more resources or accept a more focused plan.

We Can't Just Give Orders

One thing that can get frustrating at work.  Sometimes people oversimplify what it takes to change the organization.  They think that, because leadership decides the organization should change, then everybody will follow orders and cooperate.

In reality, this only happens when it is absolutely clear to everyone that the project is a must.  For example, if a project is a multi-million dollar replacement of an entire product line, nobody will stand in front of that train.  But much of my work involves a change in a system or a work process.  There is an existing system or work process.  It may be a poor system or work process, but it's worked well enough for the organization to survive until now.  There is no do-or-die moment when a change is required.  It isn't as obviously urgent as a date when you've promised to deliver a new product to Walmart.

So I have to sell the new system at all levels from the lowest operators on the floor to the high level managers.  For system changes, it is never enough to make a choice at the top.  Instead, you have to persuade enough people at different levels of the organization to create a chain reaction of interest and enthusiasm.  Books such as Leading Change and The Heart of Change: Real-Life Stories of How People Change Their Organizations by John Kotter make this clear, citing case studies of companies that have failed when they've counted on a top-down edict for change versus companies that have succeeded by engaging the organization broadly to solicit input, address concerns, and gain alignment.  There is no way to bypass these steps when you try to engage long standing systems and culture.

If it works for the parents . . .

In a recent blog post, on my wedding anniversary, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert by John Gottman.  I talked about how--at least in my opinion--Chris and I were pretty good at applying 5 of the 7 principles and how this has helped us stay very close for 17 years.  But do these principles also apply to bonding between parent and child?  And, if so, how am I doing?

I think they do apply, at least somewhat, and I think I can do a much better job with many of them than I do now.  As a parent, I have to set expectations, teach, discipline, make sure they keep up with school, encourage them to develop good habits, and so on that I can forget to or run out of time to do some of the things that make it fun to be together.  Especially when kids are teenagers and they start to rebel and seek independence.  But it seems that at least a few of the principles from the book would apply to parent-child relationships almost as well as they apply to husband-wife.  The following description of 5 of the 7 principles came from my other blog posts.  Hardly any words would need to change to apply this to a parent-child relationship.  I hope to start forming habits that enable me to apply these principles with the kids:

1. Having a "map" of what is going on in the life of the other:  daily and long term goals, activities, needs, and feelings.  Calling frequently to find out how their day is going.  Asking what they intend to do later. Coming home and asking about their day.  And having a deep understanding of what they want and need in life.
2. Helping each other with goals and tasks.  (This can be a natural outcome of #1).
3. Expressing appreciation and fondness daily.
4. Letting your partner influence you:  your actions, your behaviors, your goals.
5. Creating shared meaning:  volunteering together or helping each other with higher goal

Leading with Feeling, Part 2

In the last couple of weeks, I've been reminding myself of three things before I lead a meeting or conference call.

1. Look for ways to make these people feel good about their roles in this project or team
2. Gather their ideas and add them to the plan or strategy
3. Find out what they want to get out of the project--what career, emotional, social or other things this can do for them.

These ideas are from the book Stomp the Elephant in the Office: Put an End to the Toxic Workplace, Get More Done -- and Be Excited About Work Again.  Engage people by making them feel good, including their input, and including their motivations in the project.  

So far, this seems to be working.  Meetings seem livelier.  People are stepping up more.  Reminding myself about these three goals just before each meeting helps me apply the concepts in real life immediately.

Anniversary

Chris and I celebrated our 17th Wedding Anniversary yesterday.  It definitely feels like we've had a relatively close married life over the years.  What has worked?

If I consider the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, I think we've been very strong on 5 of the 7, and average on the other 2.  John Gottman is famous for his decades long studies of what makes marriages work and what makes them fall apart.  He has shown that he can film a young couple discuss an issue for 15 minutes and then predict, with 95% accuracy, whether they will divorce within 10 years.  He wrote the "Seven Prinicples" book to help couples cultivate the behaviors that lead to success.

Here are the 5 principles that I think Chris and I do well at:

1. Having a "map" of what is going on in the life of the other:  daily and long term goals, activities, needs, and feelings.  Calling frequently to find out how their day is going.  Asking what they intend to do later. Coming home and asking about their day.  And having a deep understanding of what they want and need in life.
2. Helping each other with goals and tasks.  (This can be a natural outcome of #1).
3. Expressing appreciation and fondness daily.
4. Letting your partner influence you:  your actions, your behaviors, your goals.
5. Creating shared meaning:  volunteering together or helping each other with higher goals

The other 2 where we are average:

1. Solving one-time problems.
2. Addressing the longer term differences that can cause issues.  For example, I have more of a craving for museums, the outdoors, and live entertainment.  This will never change and leads to compromises.  But there are strategies for making these differences more acceptable.  We're probably just average at these strategies.

Overall, I think we're doing great!

The Shared Plan-Part 1

In recent blog posts, I've been writing about leading through emotion.  I've learned from books mentioned in those posts that people consider facts, but decide based on emotion.  As a result, I have decided to radically change how I try to influence people.  No longer will I develop a detailed proposal and try to sell it because, in my opinion, it's the most logical plan.  Instead, I have to master the art of engaging the feelings of those who I want to influence.

A key "handbook" for this work is Stomp the Elephant in the Office: Put an End to the Toxic Workplace, Get More Done -- and Be Excited About Work Again by Steven Vannoy and Craig Ross.  The authors give concrete guidelines for engaging people in a program by engaging their feelings.

I often feel frustrated because those I'm trying to influence "just don't get it" when I tell them how to fix an issue.  I feel as if the facts are on my side.  But my approach has been wrong.  In hindsight, I can't feel bad because the approach I've been using is the most common approach:

• ID the problem
• "Expert" develops a solution
• Tell people how to change
• Overcome resistance because nobody feels engaged

Instead of doing this I hereby resolve that, when I want to persuade people to do things--at home, at work, or in my community--I will cultivate what the authors call the "three conditions supporting change":

1. People feel good about themselves.
2. People's ideas are included.
3. People's motivations are included.

The authors provide concrete suggestions on how to reinforce these conditions.  I'll discuss some of these in future blog posts.  But the bottom line is that these conditions address emotions and, by doing so, they increase the odds that my teammates will own and support the plan.

Fitting in

Last night, I was in a hotel room with my two boys.  One boy started watching TV.  The other wanted to read, and he's very easily distracted.  So he asked if he could sit and read on the floor outside our hotel room door.  In his socks.  In the hallway.  I said no.

He argued with me.  Why not?  Would he be hurting anyone?

He had a point.  He wouldn't be hurting anyone.  It would be quiet.  Both kids could do their own thing.  But people in our culture just don't sit on the floor in hotel hallways.  And that matters.

As a parent, sometimes I have to tell my kids that I expect them to conform for the sake of conforming, to do things in a certain way for absolutely no other reason than to fit in.  Wear a shirt at the breakfast table.  Use silverware properly.  It's OK to say these things, but not those things.

I often hesitate to demand that my kids conform just for the sake of fitting in.  Am I squashing their creativity and individuality?  Maybe a little, but there are benefits to a certain level of conformity to the behaviors people around you expect.  The Social Animal: The Hidden Sources of Love, Character, and Achievement talks about the value of behaving the way people EXPECT you to behave.  If you dress, talk, and act in the ways that your culture values, you are judged to be more competent and easier to trust.

So, I'm sorry son, but if it's too loud in the hotel room, put on a shirt and shoes, head down to the lobby, and sit in a chair the way the rest of us do.