.Sean Covey, the author says that institutions often set up situations and reward systems that are "Win-Lose" competitions, forced distributions where someone is "low rated" or gets a bad grade because they didn't compete well. However, Covey says that these reward systems are artificial. The most important, natural situations in life involve relationships in which everyone can win. Helping the other person or giving to the other person helps them "win" and also helps you "win".
The kids got the message, but it was a little more challenging to show them examples in their lives where they've taken a "win-lose" approach (victory at the expense of the other), "lose-win" (defeat by the other), or "lose-lose" (everyone suffers). One of my sons is competitive so he assumes he's always either "win-win" or "win-lose", but I gave examples where his competition leaves both sides feeling bad and angry at each other ("lose-lose") or where he gave in to a teacher, parent, or classmate and felt resentful ("lose-win"). We talked about how some of these situations could have been turned into "win-win". Finally, we talked about the most vital "win-win" of all: to build his emotional bank account with key people in his life, leading both people in the relationship with a huge victory.
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