Being "responsible" is one of those things that I recognize when I see it, but how can I put it into words? And yet I have to put it into words, because I feel I need to explain it to my teenagers. I think they often expect us to do things they can do for themselves and that they often miss opportunities to step in and help others. To change this, they need to grasp the concept of "being responsible", and I need to help them learn.
So what is a responsible person? What is an irresponsible person? I think the answer lies in three areas:
- Commitment. If I feel responsible for some person or situation, I feel committed to contribute to that person or situation. I feel obligated. It's my job. Part of the role I play in my daily life. A promise I've made that I intend to keep.
- Accountability. If I feel responsible for some person or situation, I feel that I have an influence on that person or situation. If things don't go well, I look hard at whether I could have done more to help. If things do go well, I'm keenly aware of how I may have helped on so that I can contribute even more in the future.
- Scope. An irresponsible person commits to very little. They may feel commitment and accountability for some things, but their scope is very narrow. Like an addict or an immature youngster, they may blame most of their problems on other people. They are not committed to solving their own problems, and they don't feel accountable for them. If they keep messing up, they wait for their parents or someone else to fix things. A responsible person, on the other hand, applies his or her feelings of commitment and accountability broadly. First, they commit to and are accountable to themselves. Next, they extend this to loved ones. Then they commit to contributing positively to everyone they meet. Finally, a deeply responsible person commits to contributing in some way to things that are larger than the world they experience directly: society, the environment, suffering in distant lands.
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