Grateful Parenting

I just realized yet another advantage of being grateful.  It can make me a better parent.

Whenever I list the things in my life that have gone well in the last week, I've found that many of those things involve my 12 and 14 year old boys.  I'm grateful that I'm seeing signs of social skills in my oldest boy, as he's matured, that I was afraid might never appear (after all, plenty of adults never gain social graces).  I'm grateful that he's found after school activities that--compared to his academic and other interests--will give him far more opportunities to develop leadership skills.  I'm grateful that my youngest is adapting well to his first year at a new school and has also joined an after school club.  And I'm grateful for the genuine hugs he give Chris and I every morning and every night before he goes to bed.  He's the rare pre-teen who's not afraid to be a loving little kid.

So how does this gratitude make me a better parent?  All the parenting books I've read urge parents to focus on the positive.  Praise when a kid does the RIGHT thing is far more beneficial than discipline when a kid does the WRONG thing.  It's not that you shouldn't discipline.  It's just that praise should happen MUCH more often.  It is much wiser to say, "Spare the praise, spoil the child", than to say, "Spare the rod, spoil the child."  What gratitude exercises have done for me is that they've helped me NOTICE when my kids to the right thing.  Until recently, I've found it hard to do this.  What has gotten my attention is when they make a mess, argue with each other, refuse to help us, and so on.  I've wanted to focus on the positive, but have often failed.  Lately, however, I feel the gratitude exercises have given me practice at seeing my kids strengths, the ways they are improving, and their accomplishments.  I then start to notice much more often the things they do right so that I more often seize an opportunity to tell them I'm proud of them.