The worst "no" you can remember

I was struck by something I read in William Ury's book:  The Power of a Positive No: Save The Deal Save The Relationship and Still Say No
Mr. Ury gives many seminars on negotiating, and, as a class exercise, he asks the students to describe the worst, most unpleasant experience in their lives that involved being told "no".  The point of this exercise is to show the contrast between the way these "no's" were stated and the more positive approach that Ury teaches.

Ury says that, most of the time, people taking his class--people in their forties, fifties, sixties, or seventies--vividly remember the frustration of a time when their parents or other adults told them "no" when they were teenagers.  Sometimes it was their parents abruptness, their tone, or--most often--their refusal to explain.  "Because I said so" resulted in feelings so bitter that they remained strong decades later as adults looked back on their teenage years.

This hit home for me because sometimes, like most parents of teenagers, I've been guilty of something similar.  I think I remember even reading or hearing from parenting "experts" that you should just state the rules and the consequences with minimal explanation.  Apparently, William Ury would not agree.  The rules and consequences might be non-negotiable, but Ury would say you absolutely should discuss the positive intent of the rules in as much detail as your teenager needs to understand what good purpose you are trying to achieve.