Power of a Positive No

I'm reading a new book that can help me both with excess demands at work and with raising teenage boys.  It's called "The Power of a Positive No", by William Ury.  Here's a link to the book on Amazon.com:
The Power of a Positive No: Save The Deal Save The Relationship and Still Say No

This author has amazing credentials as an expert in negotiation, having been involved in international diplomacy, hostage situations, and having written several of the all time best sellers on negotiation, such as "Getting to Yes".
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

What I like about this book is that my top negotiation issues lately have involved my need to say "no".  Some of it involves saying "no" at work when I'm asked to deliver more than I think is humanly possible.  The rest involves being a parent.

A parent's negotiations primarily involve saying "no" as we set limits for kids, telling them what they can't do.  Ury's book is about how to say "no" in a way that is powerful, compelling, respectful, compassionate, and that preserves or even deepens your relationship with the other person.  The book is about all kinds of situations in which you must say "no" to achieve important goals, not just situations with kids, but he does give many parenting examples.

His basic method involves these steps.  I'll illustrate with the example of when we set limits on how much TV the kids can watch each day while they are on summer vacation:

• Get ready to say "no" in three steps.  
• (1) Clarify for your self your positive intent.  For the TV situation, I've thought and blogged about how reducing TV has the benefit of forcing kids to find more productive uses for their time.
• (2) Identify your "Plan B".  What will you do next on your own if the other person refuses to cooperate?
• (3) Start the conversation with the other person in a way that shows respect and builds trust.  Listen to the other person.  Try to understand their point of view.T
• Then say "no" in three steps.
• (1) Say "yes".  Start by telling the other person your positive intent.  This is your "yes".  Tell the teenager how you want to have them get out of the house more, get more active, etc., and how you are concerned that TV is a barrier to this.
• (2) Say "no".  Tell them what you say "no" to:  what do you refuse to do or refuse to let them do.  Do so calmly but firmly.  "Your mother and I have decided we need to limit television to ___ hours per day."
• (3) Say "yes" by inviting them to participate with you in defining how this will work best.  "How can we track how much TV you are watching?  What system will we use?  What would work for you?"  You don't withdraw the "no" at this point.  You just provide the option to involve the other person.  This makes it easier for them to accept the "no" and reduces the risk of creating distance in the relationship.  You want to avoid having the teenager who doesn't want to be with his parents because they always nag.