Meditating on What Upsets Me

In a recent post ("Healing Meditation") I wrote about a psychotherapy technique called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reintegration).  The method involves shifting attention rhythmically from left to right, left to right--either with the eyes or the ears--in a way that mimics the rapid eye movement of dreams, while recalling traumatic memories.  In countless studies, EMDR has been shown to be amazing effective at helping people traumatized by war, crime, and natural disasters recall their traumas vividly--as if their dreamlike eye movements induce a "dreaming" state--and then they naturally, with little help from the therapist, heal themselves.  They "deal with" the trauma effectively and quickly, even if they've been tormented by it for 30 years.  Here's a link to a website for more information:  EMDR.com.

Nobody knows exactly why the technique works, but some of the speculations that I've read about ring true to me.  I've read that the left-right shifting of the eyes or of recorded sound might cause both sides of the brain to engage in processing the memory of the event.  The logic of the left brain and intuition of the right brain are both engaged in dealing with the memory of the event.  It's like making sure that you apply all the tools available to you, all the mental strengths you have, to the task of deciding, "What did this event mean?  What lessons can I learn?  What does this tell me about who I am?  Am I safe?  Was I to blame in any way?  What REALLY happened, and what can I expect in the future?"

The other speculation that I've read is that EMDR mimics dreaming, and that dreaming is the way humans best deal with trauma.  When we are awake, our consciousness is dominated by our verbal, logical left brain. Our intuitive, emotional right brain is relatively unconscious and disengaged.  We need both sides of our brain in balance to know the truth about what happened to us when a tornado destroyed our home, when a loved one died, when we were victims of a crime, or when we saw our friends die in combat.  So humans heal themselves through dreams.  In dreams, the eyes shift rapidly from left to right to engage both sides of the brain equally.  We are balanced in applying our brains to the memories that we dream about.  And then we rapidly heal ourselves just as we form clots and scars to heal physical wounds.

In her book, EMDR: The Breakthrough "Eye Movement" Therapy for Overcoming Anxiety, Stress, and Trauma, Dr. Francine Shapiro, who discovered the technique, gives many case studies of the method.  She cautions that the method is too powerful for people to apply to themselves without the help of a trained EMDR therapist.  But I've decided to experiment with applying EMDR to myself for minor issues, things that are not traumatic, but things that do tend to upset me.  Shapiro did the same thing to herself as she developed the method.

I call this "Meditating on What Upsets Me".  As best as I can, I do try to follow the basic process Shapiro describes in her book.  I'll start by picking a topic to focus on--something that is not traumatic but has often upset me or annoyed me over the years.  The topic I've worked on the most since I started experimenting with EMDR has been that it has often upset me if I've been criticized harshly and (in my opinion) the criticism wasn't fair.

I'll then listen to an EMDR recording with headphones.  My favorite recording is the music of Liborio Conti, "EMDR Meditations".  I tune into the shifting left-right chimes, bells, or percussion of each piece.  I relax deeply.  Then I recall a key event or two from childhood, from school, or even from as late as last week that fits with the topic.  Shapiro calls this memory the current "target".

The oscillating sounds seem to make it easier to remember the event clearly.  As Shapiro suggests in her book, I'll deliberately dwell on any self-doubts triggered by the event.  Being criticized may have made me doubt myself, even when I felt the criticism was wrong.  Then I'll dwell on what I'd rather believe.  "I was right all along.  The other person misunderstood me or the situation."

If I follow this process correctly, I should eventually become less sensitive to harsh criticism.  I should end up being bolder, more willing to engage leadership with a controversial proposal, even at the risk of criticism.  And if the criticism comes, I'll be less likely to be upset by it. It's hard to measure, but I think at work I've felt that I AM getting bolder and more willing to engage higher-ups on issues that matter.

I've also applied "Meditation on What Upsets Me" to some other things that have bugged me over the years.  It's a technique that requires practice.  I don't like to do the same kind of meditation every day, and it is giving me a healing alternative.