Gratitude Every Second

Research described in The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want and other books shows that there are habits which increase your happiness, but give you the most benefit when done just once per week.  These habits include writing in a gratitude journal, doing acts of kindness, and picturing success in the future.  If you push yourself beyond your normal limits in these areas, once per week, you get big advantages that you don't get from daily routines that don't vary in intensity.

But much of what I believe in suggests that it isn't just once per week that matters.  Every second matters.  Moment to moment, we need to have the right thoughts, actions, and feelings.  This is the theme of Buddhism and of books such as The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment that form the core of my philosophy.  How do I reconcile this "be here now" philosophy with the data revealing the power of weekly rituals?

I think that there is no conflict.  Weekly rituals later on lead to better choices moment to moment.  Weekly bouts of gratitude, in which I think of many things that are wonderful in my life, cause me to be more grateful the rest of the week, moment to moment.

Perhaps my favorite part of Buddha's Eightfold Path is "Right Effort".  "Right Effort" involves, first, tuning in to one's body and mind.  Next, you pick the thoughts or actions that will improve your mind and body.  You strive to avoid or put an end to unwholesome states--guilt, anger, indigestion.  You seek to start or build on wholesome states--joy, compassion, gratitude.  If you master "Right Effort", you do this all the time, cultivating a heightened awareness and vigilance that would put a martial artist or a warrior to shame.

This is one place I can apply the techniques of "The How of Happiness".  When I ask myself, "What thoughts and actions can I apply now to improve my state of mind?", I can respond by counting my blessings, reaching out to another person, meditating, or envisioning future success.  As I've described in early blog postings, I will emphasize these things even more than usual once per week.  The research shows that this weekly emphasis increases the power of the techniques.  But moment to moment, I'll return to these techniques whenever I manage to remember to tune into my current state and look for a way to improve it.  

This is what this entire website is all about.  This is what I mean by "Embrace Your Changing Self".

Happiness and the In-box

As much I liked the book The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want, I think the author missed at least one key "how".  The "hows" described in the book tended to be behaviors that are easily tested, such as testing the effects of meditation or writing in a gratitude journal.  They involved a simple activity that you could ask a bunch of people to do and then compare them to a control group that doesn't do the activity.

One "how" that I feel the author missed is the "how" of a good time management system, such as the system described in Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity that I've written about many times before.  I'm convinced that this system has made me much happier in the last few months by helping me process my "in-boxes" (paper, electronic, and even commitments made in a meeting or over the phone), so that the in-boxes become empty.  The actions implied by all that input, instead of hiding in a huge batch of e-mail messages, are now organized into plans that I address much more efficiently than I have in the past.  This leaves me feeling more in control.  I'm more confident that there isn't something important I should be doing but can't remember.  I think people who depend on me feel more confident that they CAN depend on me.  And I feel as if I'm better able to align my actions with the things I really value.  This type of time management system may not appear in the "How of Happiness" book, or similar books such as Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment because implementing a time management system is such a complex effort, that it isn't easy to test one group of people versus a control group that didn't implement the system.

The other "Hows" of Happiness

Of all the techniques for increasing happiness in the book The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want, I'm putting most of my focus on the techniques involving regularly counting my blessings, imagining future success, practicing good deeds, and investing in relationships--especially beyond my immediate family.  Of all the "hows" that this book says are experimentally proven to boost happiness, these "hows" seem to have the most potential for me.

But before I move on to other books in this blog, I should list the other "secrets of happiness" described in this book.  For me, they either are something I already do reasonably often or things that will get "covered" by the practices that I have decided to focus on.  The techniques are:

• "Avoid Overthinking" (especially anxious, guilty, or regretful thoughts)
• "Develop Strategies for Coping"
• "Learning to Forgive"
• "Increasing Flow Experiences" (activities where you lose yourself in what you're doing)
• "Savoring Life's Joys"
• "Committing to Your Goals".
• "Practice Religion and Spirituality".
• "Meditate"
• "Physical Exercise"
• "Act Like a Happy Person"

Just my luck

Years ago, I tried to keep a gratitude journal but quickly gave up.  It was often hard to think of things to write.  In hindsight, I realize I was needlessly limiting my choices.  I took "gratitude" literally to mean I had to think of things that I would thank someone for.  Now that I realize I can be grateful for simple luck, the choices are endless.  There are so many great things in my life that didn't involve anyone going out of there way just for me.  I'm just in a fortunate situation.  When I think of these things, I become optimistic, I feel fortunate, I habitually notice nice things that I might otherwise have missed.

A few great things that happen to be in my life:

• Pandora radio.  Amazing to be able to create commercial free radio for any type of music I like.
• Noise canceling headphones.
• A nice neighborhood.
• One of my family members needs some alternative medicine.  It's good to live in a city large enough to find it.
• Living in a time when you can get so much information so easily.
• All the business, family, and self help books that I'm addicted to.
• A great public school for my kids.
• Working at a company that values integrity.
• Modern medicine and health.
• Fall colors

There will be times when my life situation gets worse--much worse--but a habit of brainstorming all the things that are RIGHT with the world will help me stay upbeat.

Thanks to Good Luck

The book The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want describes experiments showing that people will be happier if they think about the things in life they are grateful for.  But what if you are grateful for something and there is nobody to thank?  What if good things happened to you, but it was just luck?  Are you still being "grateful" when you celebrate good luck and there is nobody you can thank?

For me, it feels the same.  I get a positive feeling when I thank my wife for a wonderful dinner.  But I got a similar feeling when I was walking the dogs yesterday morning and I saw rays of sunlight cutting through fog to light up a red maple tree.  I was glad that I happened to be there to see that.  Noticing the good things around me, even if I just got lucky, even if there is nobody I can thank, still feels to me like an exercise in cultivating gratitude.

The Wisdom of the Sabbath

I'm a Buddhist, but reading The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want has given me a new appreciation for the wisdom of the Sabbath.  The Jewish and Christian faiths have sometimes been mocked for their emphasis on weekly religious services.  Critics say that too many people attend church on Sundays or synagogues on Saturdays, then return to very non-spiritual lives the rest of the week.  But I think these critics are underestimating the power of weekly ritual.

The most shocking thing, to me, about the research described in the "How of Happiness" is that many activities are more powerful when practiced once per week than they are when practiced daily.  It's as if the weekly rhythm makes the rituals more special.

According to the research, there are several activities that can make you measurably happier if you do them every week, but make NO difference if you do them every day without variation.  Contemplating or writing down the things you are grateful for.  Imagining the many ways you and your loved ones might succeed in the future.  Going out of your way to help others.  Naturally, it's good to be appreciative every day, to be optimistic every day, and to always be kind.  But it's a matter of degree.  Apparently, all of these things make you much happier if you take them to a higher level than normal once per week.

This research makes me respect the tradition of the Sabbath.  I don't think it is a coincidence that traditions developed in which one day per week was devoted to reflection, to appreciation of God and life, to prayers for the future.  I think people learned many years ago that the perfect rhythm for some rituals is a weekly beat.

A little help from my friends

According to The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want, "The happier a person is, the more likely he or she is to have a large circle of friends or companions, a romantic partner, and ample social support."  There are no big surprises in the author's recommendations for nurturing these relationships:  make time for each other, express appreciation and affection, celebrate each other's successes, share openly.

You really DO reap what you sow

The book The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want describes several experiments showing that subjects became measurably happier, and maintained this happiness for months, if--once per week--they were EXTRA nice.  One day per week the subjects deliberately did five more acts of kindness than they would normally do.  The good deeds could be small or big, public or anonymous.  All that mattered was that the participants kept varying the good deeds so that they didn't become a chore.

What if the people already were habitually nice?  Did they still become measurably happier if they spent one day a week being EXTRA nice?  Yes.  The boost happened regardless of whether the subjects were habitually nice or habitually callous.  I'd bet that, in general, nice guys are happier than jerks, but the evidence suggests that if you want a BIG boost in happiness, take your good deeds to a higher level once a week.

Will I try this technique myself or encourage my family to do it?  Probably not yet.  We're already doing some of the other things recommended in the book such as weekly reflection on the things we're grateful for.  The author of the "How of Happiness" suggests picking just a few of her techniques at a time so that you notice the results and make a lifelong commitment to your new habits.

Knowing where I'm going

I wrote last time about research showing that people are measurably happier if they spend a few minutes writing about how they would like their future to turn out.  Look ahead a few months, a year, maybe 5 years.

I think this would help me in two ways.  Not only would I be happier.  But I might do a better job of figuring out what I want long term.  I tend to focus on just the next month or two, without a clear plan for the long term.  Sometimes I think this hurts me at work.  I've had bosses who greatly appreciate the work I'm doing now but seem frustrated because they don't understand my long term vision for the areas I'm responsible to lead.  It probably hurts me at home, too.  Where do I want our family to go on vacation before the kids go off to college in five years?  What are our other long term goals?  It often seems that my wife does this longer term planning while I just play it by ear.  Spending time once per week picturing the future could help me get more control of the long term.

If everything goes right

The next proven way to be happy that is described in The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want involves picturing the best possible future for yourself in all the main parts of your life.  The technique works best if done in writing.  One researcher, Laura King, a professor at the University of Missouri-Columbia, had some subjects write about "their best possible selves" for 20 minutes per day for 4 days.  She had the control group write for 20 minutes as well, but they just wrote about other topics.  The people who described their best possible future were happier than the control group not only during the 4 day period but also for several weeks after the experiment was over.

One thing I like about the technique as described in the book:  you're supposed to imagine realistic, plausible best case scenarios.  You don't imagine yourself winning a Nobel Prize or conquering world hunger if these things aren't within reach.  Instead, you think, "Here's something that COULD easily happen that I would really like."  This is key for me because then I don't feel like I'm kidding myself.  The whole thing wouldn't work for me if I didn't really believe these dreams were within reach.

Just like the gratitude journal writing, I like the return on investment for this.  Spend just a few minutes once per week and gain a more optimistic outlook that stays with me the rest of the week?  Count me in!  This is another item that I'd like to incorporate into our weekly family meetings with the kids.  I can't ask them to write in journals every day, but I can ask them just once per week to describe what they are grateful for and then to tell the rest of the family something that they'd like to see happen for them in the next few years.

Thanksgiving Every Week

As I mentioned in my last post, the book The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want describes an experiment involving expressing gratitude in writing.  Some of the subjects in the experiment wrote down, once per week, five things they were grateful for.  They did this for 10 weeks.  The people in the control group wrote also once per week, but on any topic they wanted.  Those who listed what they were grateful for were measurably happier than the control group, and even had some physical health benefits.  This almost seems to me to be too good to be true.  But there is another way to think about it.

Thanksgiving happens just once per year.  Traditionally, people will talk about what they are grateful for.  It is a deeply cherished holiday, suggesting it has a real impact on people.  So is it really that hard to believe that a weekly gratitude journal would have a big impact on a person?  Isn't that like having Thanksgiving every week?