For the Spirit

I think I need to establish more spiritual habits.  The one thing I do consistently that makes a huge difference is to meditate every day.  This is my time to let go of goals and plans, shift to the right side of my brain, and passively observe my mind and body.  It means as much to me as sleep.

What I want to start doing more often:  spiritual rituals.  My family went to a friend's Bar Mitzvah last month.  I'm a Buddhist, but I was incredibly impressed with the prayers and readings in the traditional Jewish prayer book, the "Siddur", that was used in the service.  I kept skipping from page to page, appreciating the prayers asking for virtue and wisdom and the prayers of appreciation.  These weren't selfish prayers.  They did not ask for handouts.  They were prayers of intention.  "Today, help me find wisdom, gratitude, and compassion."  

I was impressed with the structure of these prayers:  certain prayers on the Sabbath and others during the week.  It made me feel great respect for religious ritual.  I think I've tended to be a Buddhist "snob".  I've focused on the ideas about self and reality and the use of meditation to see things as they are without words. I've focused on the philosophy of Buddhism, the concepts.  The intellectual side.  And I've dismissed the rituals.  But our 13 year old friend's Bar Mitzvah gave me new respect for religious rituals--for habits such as saying grace at every meal.  I need more of these habits to grow spiritually every day.

Shabbat Shalom.

For the Body

What are my healthiest habits, the ones that have nurtured the body (or at least the face) that you see above? 
Plenty of people have much better fitness habits than I do.  They go to the gym every day.  They only eat organic free range vegetables.  They have one drink per year--a glass of champagne on the 31st of December--to welcome another year of effortless discipline.

I hate these people.  But, seriously, I think there is nothing wrong with coming up with habits that fits my priorities and schedule. Here is what is working for me:

(1) Get a guilt partner 
My wife is my guilt partner.  On any given day--hopefully--one of us will feel like exercising and will taunt the other mercilessly until they agree to join in.  We might still look at each later and say, "Are we sure we want to do this?"  But without guilt, we wouldn't even get as far as this conversation.

(2) Tele-fitness
I've decided that I need to do SOME kind of exercise each day, even if it's just a one mile walk.
New rule:  if I decide to watch a TV show at night and I haven't exercised at all that day, I have to work out while watching my show.  No excuses.  If I have time to watch the show, then I have time to exercise during the show.  If I worked on the upper body yesterday, I can do the lower body today.  Or yoga.  Or ab work.  No excuses.

(4) Low carb diet, but without high animal fat
No potatoes, no pasta, no rice, no desert, no junk food.
Everything else is OK, but I don't overdo the cheese, red meat, and eggs.  


I started eating this way right after New Years Day this year.  I've maintained an 11-14 pound weight loss ever since.  I look nothing like the picture at the start of this blog posting, but at least my Body Mass Index now stays inside the "Normal" range.

For Friends and Family

What are some of the key habits that have been helping me socially?  Habits that improve interactions with friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances, and strangers?

According to The Power of Full Engagement, by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz, we can increase our engagement in life by deliberately creating good habits in four areas of our lives:

1. Social
2. Physical
3. Spiritual
4. Mental

Here are three SOCIAL habits that have been a big part of my life lately.

(1) Phone Home  Call home from work at least once per day to see how my wife is doing.  John Gottman is the world's top researcher on marriage and divorce.  He has shown that after watching a couple argue for just a few minutes on video, he can predict with over 90% confidence whether they will divorce in 10 years.  In his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, he says that the simple habit of checking frequently with your spouse to see what he or she is doing is one of the seven top predictors of a successful marriage.  

(Photo by "Jack O'Lantern" photo by Gone-Walkabout)

(2) When the momma's in the kitchen . . .    Too often in the past, I've viewed my job at home as projects, yard work, and repairing things.  My only role in the kitchen was to clean up after the meal.  There's been a lot more harmony since I started to tell myself, "When the momma's in the kitchen, I'm in the kitchen".  I'm not a cook, but there is so much to do getting ready for a meal that if I'm available feeding the dogs, taking out garbage, cleaning up as cooking progresses, maybe even chopping a few vegetables, whisking, or watching the stove, it makes me realize that dinner doesn't appear by magic and Chris feels more appreciated and supported.


(3) Wander through the hallways . . .    I wrote about this new habit in more detail recently in my post, "Same itch, different scratch"  Whenever I start to lose energy at work, I take a walk around the offices on the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th floors of our office building.  I keep my eyes open for people that I want to talk to who and don't look too busy.  (I wonder how many pick up the phone when they see me coming!)  Sometimes, it's just a chance to catch up with someone I like who I've haven't seen much of lately.  Other times, there is someone who needs my help or who I need to ask for some help or advice.  These walks have helped me break my focus on my own problems and situations, have helped me connect to more people and have more fun, and I'm amazed how much work gets done during these "breaks".

Bribing Myself

Often, what I should be doing is the last thing that I want to do.  Maybe it's just making a phone call.  I know it will be quick and easy, yet I can't bring myself to do it, and I can't even say why.

At times like this, I think I need a bribe.  I need to find a way to reward myself for doing the task.  This is one of the ideas I learned from The Power of Habit, by Charles Duhigg.  Sometimes I just need to figure out "my currency", what can I give myself in exchange for exercising, for getting through a pile of mail at home, or working in the yard?  What privilege?  What treat?

Same itch, different scratch

How to replace a bad habit with a better habit?  One of the things I learned from the book "The Power of Habit", by Charles Duhigg, is that every habit starts with a cue or a trigger.  Something happens first, and then you respond with the habit.  For example, a dog feels and itch and then responds with a scratch.



Duhigg says that you often can't easily avoid the itch.  The trigger is going to happen, perhaps every day of your life.  What do you do if you tend to respond to that itch with a bad habit?  What can you do about it?  Just decide to stop and then use your willpower every day?


Duhigg recommends that you accept the fact that the itch is going to come, and find a new, healthier way to scratch it.  He sites research showing that people usually can't just stop the behavior with willpower alone.  It is much more effective to recognize the trigger and find a better way to respond to it.  The new habit has to address the itch.  It has to be rewarding, or it may not stick.  But if you can find a rewarding response and can remember to do it often enough to form a strong habit, you won't need willpower to change your ways.


A perfect example in my life happens Monday through Friday at about 10 am.  I'm at work.  I've been pushing myself intensely at work for two hours.  My concentration starts to fade.  I just can't maintain that kind of intensity all morning.  This is my itch.  My old, bad habit was to go to the break room to get yet another tall cup of coffee.  I don't really NEED the coffee.  By this time, I've had plenty of coffee.  If I have another cup, I'll just get jittery.  A short burst of energy is likely to be followed by an even bigger slump, and it's probably not good for my blood pressure.



With Duhigg's book in mind, I decided to accept my itch.  I accepted that I'll always have a mid-morning loss of energy and focus.  And I thought of a better way to respond.  For the last few weeks, I've left my desk and walked around several floors in the office building, stopping to talk to people whenever it feels right.  I've found this rewarding on many levels.  I catch up socially with people I would not otherwise see.  Sometimes I run into people that I need to talk to about work and end up resolving issues quickly.  Other times people ask me for advice, and it feels good to help them.  And even mild exercise like this provides more lasting energy than a cup of coffee.  So the itch gets scratched--I gain energy--and the new habit requires no willpower because I find it rewarding socially, spiritually, and for getting things done at work.