Hypnotized Meditation

I've been listening to several iPhone apps that create a light hypnotic state at the start of meditation.  They tend to follow a pattern that sounds almost cliche:  "Take a deep breath.  You're eyelids are feeling heavy.  It feels good to close them.  Your whole body feels heavier and heavier.  A wave of relaxation is coming over you starting at your scalp, then your face, neck, shoulders . . . Now as I count down from 10 to 1, allow your self to get 10% more relaxed with every number.  Ready?  10.   9. . . ."

At the end of this pattern, I indeed feel heavy, relaxed, almost tingly, and my mind is calm and quiet.  The speaker will then make positive suggestions regarding some area of life (success, stress reduction, deep relaxation, giving up a bad habit, or whatever).  Eventually, the speaker guides you to end the meditation with a reverse count.  "1 . . . 2 . . .3. . .wiggle your fingers and toes . . . 4 . . .".

I'm starting to find a light hypnotic trance like this is a great way to start almost any meditation, whether I plan to follow this light, relaxing trance by listening to music, thinking about things I'm grateful for, focusing on my breathing, or whatever.  I'm finding that the trance makes it easier for me to concentrate.  Without the trance, my mind will often jump around to problems at home or work or things I've got to do.

I think I'll eventually learn to hypnotize myself because it doesn't seem that hard.  But for now I'll sometimes listen to one of the iPhone apps long enough to get deeply relaxed, then pull off the headphones and do my own thing for the next 15 or 20 minutes.

Different Destination

What is a Buddhist engineer like myself trying to accomplish?  What is the ultimate goal of my practice?  Is it the same as the goal of ancient Buddhists?  Do I seek Nirvana?  No.

I try to follow the Buddhist "Eightfold Path" of meditation and morality, but my "Path" has a different final goal than the Path of Buddha and his early followers.  Historical works such as Karen Armstrong's "Buddha" point out that, 2,500 years ago in India, the ultimate goal of spiritual seekers such as Buddha was to achieve Nirvana:  a state perfectly free of suffering.  This perfect peace required letting go of material possessions, family, and anything else that could sometimes lead to dissatisfaction or painful loss.

I think Buddha was a psychological genius who understood methods to increase awareness of the present moment and gain serenity and contentment.  But my ultimate goal is just to be happier than I would be without this practice.  I still want to have my attachments to family, career, friends, community, pleasure, and accomplishments.

The "Psychology of Nirvana", by Rune Johansson did a nice job of explaining why goals tend to be different for today's Buddhists.  Rune writes that, compared to the ancient Buddhists, the modern concept of mental health stresses "society and personal success and effectiveness" as opposed to the ancient emphasis on individual enlightenment and liberation from suffering.

When is it MY time?

When does a family man or woman get to enjoy things that matter only to him or her?  It's easy to feel as if everything you do is geared to somebody else's needs.  It's easy to feel that somebody else is controlling how you spend your day.  It is easy to feel resentment.

The resentment comes even when both spouses share equally in generating the "To Do" list.  Neither spouse imposed their will on the other.  Each freely agreed on what needed to be done.  And yet, both often look back on their days and see so little "me" time that they feel as if they were the only ones in the family whose needs were neglected.

The solution? I'm happy to give the vast majority of my free time and my energy to the needs of family and home.  But I also need to spend some "me time", doing things that don't directly benefit or interest my wife, the kids, the dogs, or the home.  Things like meditation, nature walks, listening to music, writing, going to art museums, and some of my volunteer work.  I can't just do these things whenever I want to and for however long I want to.  I have to work out with my family how best to squeeze in these activities so that family needs come first.  And I have to do the same for my wife, asking her what help she needs from me so that she can squeeze in some time each day for her favorite things. 

I find that, as long as I squeeze in a little time each day for these most important personal needs, the illusion that someone else is in control of my life goes away.  If I do a few things that are JUST for me, it's easier to remember that the rest of what I do for home, family, and community is also my choice.  Nobody else is in control.  It's ALL "me time".

Relaxation Role Model

My first dog, Wally, was a role model of relaxation.  If only I could--like Wally--get worked up only when a real threat exists.  If I could just relax the rest of the time.

I could see Wally's peacefulness in his body.  I could feel it when I'd pet him and his skin moved so freely and loosely under my hand.  I could not imagine him tensing up unless there were strangers or unfamiliar sights or sounds that might pose a threat.

As I've been working the last few months on relaxing deeply several times a day, I've more often noticed myself needlessly tensing muscles when walking, driving, talking, working.  At these times, I'll consciously loosen up and it NEVER makes me less effective at whatever I was trying to do.  But I've got a long way to go before I can match the natural calm of a dog.