The deepest meditation experiences I've had in 40 years have been the ones in which I managed to just concentrate on my breathing happening on its own, as if a stranger was breathing, without in any way controlling how fast I breath or how deeply. Watching the breath without trying to control it is much harder than it sounds, at least for me. When I'm not focusing on my breath, of course, I make no attempt to control it. I'm not even aware of it most of the time. But as soon as I stop all other activity and thought and just try to focus on inhaling and exhaling during meditation, I become a control freak. "I'm breathing too fast and too shallow. If I was really good at meditation, it would need to be slow and deep." Suddenly my ego gets in the way and I try to breath like a Tibetan monk instead of letting my breathing happen on its own.
I've read that the most people when meditating on their breath have trouble just letting it happen at the pace the body wants it to happen. Why does this matter? Because breathing, uniquely, is both voluntary and involuntary. You can't easily will your hearbeat to quicken or to slow down. But the breath can be fully under your control and can also happen without you paying attention to it all day and all night. It provides a unique opportunity to step back and watch your body behaving as if you are an outside observer. And this creates powerful benefits for relaxation, acceptance, and serenity. Those benefits are greatly reduced, I find, if I focus on my breath but call the shots on when to inhale, how deeply to inhale, and when to let it all out.
In the last few weeks, I've had some success with a new technique to meditate on my breath with more acceptance and less control. It's all about what happens BETWEEN inhalations and exhalations. In those intervals, I now tell my lungs, "It's your move. You want more air? You're going to have to start the inhale. Let's see who blinks first!" I know that eventually, my involuntary breathing system is going to kick in. And when it's done inhaling and there is another pause, I again tell myself that I'm not going to make the next move.
With this approach, I'm only having to push myself into letting go during the moments between breaths. I find that I do have the willpower and concentration to do this. And then the rest of the time, I'm much more likely to successfully focus on my breath as it does its own thing.
